


Roundabout

by DarkwingSnark, Moonbeamcat



Category: Wander Over Yonder
Genre: M/M, NSFW, alien junk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-12
Updated: 2014-08-09
Packaged: 2018-02-08 12:44:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1941612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkwingSnark/pseuds/DarkwingSnark, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonbeamcat/pseuds/Moonbeamcat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hurt and enraged over Lord Hater continuously not appreciating him, Commander Peepers finds himself alone in a seedy bar to drink away his troubles. It's there, however, he runs into one of the last people he wants to see... Eyesome/ Death Glare Porn</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Unappreciated

* * *

He… He had done it.

Commander Peepers smiled proudly to himself as he made it down the halls of the skull vesile, walking in the most swaggering manner he could muster. He was ecstatic, he was delighted- and he didn't care WHO knew! The watchdog had worked hard for his greatest victory, after all.

Peepers stopped in the halls as he thought about his triumph once more, smiling to himself all the while. Yet again he had been placed in charge of conquering and adding a new planet to his lordship's Hater Empire. Ligon had been a formidable kingdom- its rule holding all nearby planets under it and making it practically impossible to penetrate their forces.

"Practically" being the keyword.

No, it was challenging, but the watchdog commander was intelligent just as much as he was stubborn. It had taken plan after scrapped plan, many a sleepless night stayed up to revise and edit, before he had been able to calculate a way through Ligon's defenses. Starting at the planets with the weakest defenses and working his way from one to the other- until Peepers led his troops to OBLITERATE what was left of them.

And Ligon had crumbled.

The watchdog shook his head, focusing back on his current mission- to tell Lord Hater of the wonderful news. Peepers felt a warmth and giddiness take over him as he started making his way towards the observation deck- where he knew the overlord to be. Yes, this was it. Finally no screw ups, no set backs in the slightest. No, everything had gone perfectly according to plan.

And Peepers couldn't wait to see the pleased look on his boss' face.

"Alright, Peepers, this is it. What you've been waiting for. I can just see him now, maybe even THANKING me for a job well done!" He stopped outside the double doors, as he removed his helmet to give it a quick clean- sighing happily to himself all the while. "No, not only thank me- but PROMOTE me! I'll be back to being his number two again, just like it was BEFORE a certain- not to be named- horrible spider beast got into the picture. Just the two of us, on top of the universe!"

Hater was seated in his usual chair, facing away from the door, and he made no move to turn and look at Peepers when he entered. Despite Peepers' chipper mood, he couldn't help but feel slightly nervous at the dark room, and his boss' silence.

"Lord Hater, sir?" He tried keeping his voice confident, unperturbed, as he crossed the large room. "I am here to inform you that, after weeks of researching, planning, and conquering, we have finally succeeded in taking over Ligon! It, along with every planet previously under its rule, now belong to the Hater-" The words caught in his throat as he rounded the chair, and saw his boss slumped, arms crossed, glowering out the window at his newly acquired planet.

"Empire. Sir? Is something wrong?"

Hater continued to stare out the window. He seemed to be letting the uncomfortable silence stretch out intentionally. Finally he spoke, eyes not leaving the window.

"Peepers. Tell me what you see out there."

The commander turned and looked down at the planet. Large statues of Lord Hater's visage and flags that bore the Empire's logo jutted up from the surface in every direction. What, had they overdone it?

"Umm... a successfully conquered planet?" He smiled hopefully at his boss and gave a thumbs up. "Maybe a promotion in my near future?" he mumbled.

"Oh, really? Because all I see is green! Green everywhere! Peepers, WHO was in charge of the new flag design!" At least the overlord was looking at him now, but the fire in his eyes made him wish he wasn't.

"Um... who knows?" The commander shrugged and chuckled nervously. It had been Peepers. But he wasn't about to admit that now.

Hater stood up from his chair, and loomed menacingly over his third in command.

"Do you know what green reminds me of, Peepers?" His tone was calm, but Peepers had known Hater long enough to understand that meant nothing good. He said nothing, and settled on shaking his head.

"Wander!" Hater bellowed. At the mention of that name, all of Peepers' fear and nervousness was swallowed up by a rising pillar of anger and jealousy in the pit of his stomach. "What makes you think that I want to be reminded of HIM, every time I look at my new planet? Huh, Peepers? WHAT!"

Commander Peepers took a deep breath. Calm down, Peepers. The promotion is worth it. He was proud of the professional tone that came out when he finally trusted himself to reply.

"Alright sir, no problem! I will get right on fixing those flags for you, and then we-"

"And speaking of Wander..." Hater began, cutting off his third in command.

"Aren't you always?" Peepers muttered. It went either unheard or ignored.

"WHY has there not been a force field installed around my new planets, to keep Wander and Sylvia from going down there and messing it all up!"

The watchdog stared as the skeleton continued to ramble- the anger he had been doing his best to suppress bubbling inside of him. Every word uttered by his boss just added fuel to his inner fire. Peepers glared, scrunching his pupil in resentment as his little body huffed and puffed- letting the bitterness completely burn him up inside.

"Not to mention, " Hater digressed, " I'm starting to even have second doubts on this place. This just LOOKS like a place the goody-goody would be drawn to! UGH, way to go Peepers, now you just gave me more hippie bait!"

Commander Peepers growled as he exploded at the much larger overlord- his anger practically propelling him into the air.

"ARE YOU FREAKEN SERIOUS?! Do YOU have ANY idea how much WORK I put into- OOOH, I can't even BELIEVE- YOU HAVE SOME NERVE!"

The watchdog couldn't even get himself to finish any of his thoughts, he was so furious. He gripped the side of his helmet as he stomped back and forth, continuing to shout all the while.

"The flags, the forcefield, YOUR OBSESSION WITH WANDER! I- CAN YOU JUST  **NOT**!"

Hater flopped back down in his chair, completely unfazed by Peepers' little outburst, and began slurping soda loudly through a straw.

"Just admit it, Peepers, you do sloppy work." Hater replied, simply. Peepers' anger levels hit the danger mark and erupted.

"Sloppy? Sloppy! I'LL SHOW YOU SLOPPY!" the commander put everything he had into flipping over the small end table by Hater's chair, grunting with the effort, but to no avail. He settled for reaching up and smacking the soda out of Hater's hand, instead, and stomped away.

"AND WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?" Hater roared behind him. Peepers didn't stop until he reached the door.

"I'm going out!" He yelled back.

"Out? I DEMAND you get me another soda! I ORDER it!" Hater boomed. Peepers opened the door, and glared daggers at his boss.

"I'm off the clock, you can get your OWN flargin' soda!" And with that, he slammed the door and stomped and grumbled all the way down to the loading dock, where there were sure to be a spare hovercraft. Angrily signing the release form- looking more like a scribble than his usual neat handwriting. It was only once he was in the hovercraft- getting ready to turn on the ignition- did it dawn on him what he had just done.

Peepers had yelled at Lord Hater. No, worse, he had physically assaulted his property and disrespected him. The watchdog squeaked as he SWORE he could hear the skeleton having a fit from there. What had he done? WAS HE COMPLETELY INSANE?

The third in command rested his head against the steering wheel as he sighed.

"Apparently. Great, way to go Peepers- you can kiss that promotion goodbye."

As well as potentially his life. The watchdog gulped, as he tried to come up with a game plan.

"Alright, this is noooo problem- nothing big here! You know how Hater is, give him some space for a few hours and he'll forget all about it. Nothing to worry about- everything will be alright! ….Right?"

Oh grod, he hoped so! Still, that left him with what he should do with himself. Peepers was still miffed, after all, not to mention being on the ship wasn't the best plan right now… Did he even HAVE a plan when he was screaming at his boss? 'Out', what did that even MEAN?! The commander continued to think it over, trying to think about where he COULD go.

Peepers eye opened widely in sudden realization, as he finally had an idea. Not even wasting more time, lest he be found and spotted, Peepers started up the spaceship as he flew off into the darkness of space.

* * *

"An out of the way, seedy bar, on a planet so obscure that no one I know could possibly see me here. Perfect!" Peepers voiced aloud, providing convenient exposition for no one but himself. He was pretty proud of himself for thinking about such a place; it would serve well to help him forget while he killed a few hours to let Hater cool off after his outburst.

He stepped inside, and was immediately bombarded with the sound of music that was too loud, and a mix of unsavory smells, namely B.O, booze, and cigar smoke. He squinted against the smoke that was already beginning to make his eye burn, and headed on inside. At least it was dark in here.

It took him a good twenty minutes just to climb up onto the barstool, and even then he found it difficult to see over the bar. Because of this, it took him another ten minutes to get the tender's attention. When asked what he was having, he read over the menu posted on the wall behind the bar; he had to be honest, he didn't drink often- and he certainly never drank in bars- so he had no idea what any of the drinks were.

"Try the amnesia blowout." A man beside him slurred. Or was that a woman? He really couldn't tell. "It'll make you forget your troubles... and your name." The man or woman then blacked out and toppled off the bar stool. The tender pressed a button on the wall, and a buff creature stepped out from what looked like a very small room, picked up the unconscious customer, and tossed them out the door, unkindly.

Peepers winced, before turning back to the bartender.

"Ah, heh, how… how about just some kanar."

He wanted to relax, not potentially die of liver failure.

The hefty bartender merely shrugged, before pulling out a twisted spiral bottle. The liquid inside glowed a neon blue, pouring out more like a syrup than any normal sort of liquid as it filled up the mug. The man then plucked out one of his feathers from the top of his head, before placing it in the glass as a garnish and scooting it in front of the watchdog.

"3 crystals for the kanar, pal."

Peepers stared at the drink for a moment before sighing, pulling out his wallet. Luckily he was covered for this kind of crazy currency. He paid for his liquor, and the tender instantly fluttered to the next buyer. The commander suppressed yet another sigh, as he removed the feather with a flick before hunching over the table as best he could. He eyed the drink, before looking around to see if anyone else had tested the thing. In fact, kanar seemed to be a popular beverage as many a glass was glowing blue around him. The watchdog took a taste test, expecting the worst.

What he didn't expect was the strong taste of raspberry.

"Hm, not bad!" As it should have been, considering the price of it. He nursed his drink for as long as he could, keeping a close watch on the clock, watching the minutes tick by. Only forty of them had passed before his glass was empty. There was no way Hater had forgotten to be angry already. Peepers ordered a second one.

A second turned into a third, a third into a fourth. After a while, Peepers wasn't watching the clock anymore, mostly due to not being able to see it clearly anymore. He threw back the last of his fourth and ordered a fifth, and pulled out his wallet, only to find it empty. Well grop. The bartender gave him a disgusted look and turned away with the drink.

"Whoa, hold up there, dude, bring that bev back, I'll cover it."

Peepers spun around, the world seeming to spin with it from the booze, and looked up in horror and shock when he saw none other than Emperor Awesome standing over him, grinning.

Well, it was official; the night could not possibly get any worse.

"Hey there Commander Peeps! What's Lord Bonehead's right hand butt kisser doing in a place like this?"

On second thought.

Peepers squinted his eye at the overgrown fishstick, before turning back around to slump on the table and do his best to show him how much he didn't want the emperor's company.

"Trying to be alone. LOOK, can we just PLEASE not do this? I am REALLY not in the mood."

The watchdog closed his eye, trying his hardest to ignore the feeling of a pair of eyes against his backside. He opened it back up again, however, when the commander felt the sensation of an arm brushing against his person as Awesome took the seat right next to him. Peepers glared at him as the shark-man signal the bartender.

"Yo, max, triple the order- bro's gotta sitch here!"

"I… I THOUGHT I just said-!"

"Not to mess with you. Yeah, I heard ya, man. But I ain't just gonna leave a lil' dude hanging when there is obvs something killing your vibes. Give me the deets, Peeps. What's gotcha all the way out here? Totes know this ain't your scene."

Peepers scoffed, and rolled his eye.

"Like I'd tell you anything."

Then again, when would he get the chance again to have someone listen to him whine without paying them to do so? He averted his gaze to his drink- courtesy of Awesome- running a finger over the rim, distractedly.

"Guess I'm just feeling a little... under appreciated." He mumbled. He heard Awesome make a sound of understanding.

"Ah, not feelin' the love, gotcha. Understandable, considering who you work for. Mister Heartless himself, am I right?"

Peepers glared at the bar table. Yeah, he was right. Too right. And maybe he had used more appropriate wording, as well.

"I just... a 'good job, Commander Peepers!', or maybe even a, 'I couldn't have done it without you, Peepers!' once in a while would be nice, y'know? Instead of whining that the FLAGS are the wrong color, like an immature little-" Peepers cut himself off, as both hands balled into tight fists on top of the bar.

"Seriously, dude? Why are you still working for that guy? If I was in your shoes, I would totally dump his sorry butt."

"You would?"

"Like that." Awesome snapped his fingers. The watchdog sipped his drink, thoughtfully. It wasn't that easy, was it? Somewhere along the way, his need to be recognized for being a good commander had turned into a yearning for a different type of recognition. One that only Lord Hater would ever be able to give him. Peepers sighed, and hung his head.

"I can't." He admitted, shamefully. Awesome didn't reply. An oddly comfortable silence settled over the two of them. The commander was about to thank the guy for the drink, when the shark man spoke up again.

"So uh, when's the last time you got laid, brah?"

Peepers coughed as he accidentally inhaled some of his drink. After he'd expelled the burning liquid from his lungs, he shot a wild glare up at Awesome, who was smirking.

"What?! That is NONE of your business, you creep!"

He suddenly wished he had enough booze in his glass to throw in his face, or better yet, his blaster. Awesome chuckled, and shrugged.

"Guess it's been a while, huh? Hard to believe there, Peeps; head commander of an army? Confidence where it counts? I guess Hatey really does keep you on a short leash, huh?"

If looks could kill, Peepers' glare would have bore straight through Awesome's skull.

"Are you FLIRTING with me now? Well back off, pal, I would have to be pretty drunk to-"

"How drunk are we talkin here, little man?"

"Try unconscious!" Peepers spat. When the guy laughed at him, in only made him angrier.

"I would, but nah, that ain't my style. All joking aside though, Commander Peeps; if you need a safe place to crash for the night, my place is open. Obligation-free! Just a place to crash."

The watchdog glowered at the emperor- that smug and confident smile still on the shark-man's face. Peepers rolled his eye, instead staring at the blue of his kanar. Who did he think the commander was? Just some floozy he could just buy a drink for and woo them onto his ship? Or whatever the man's motives were- free place his kiester. Nothing in life was ever free, and especially not for somebody that worked for your rival's army. Why, if Lord Hater heard about this, he would have his-?!

Another painge to his small evil heart sent Peepers instinctually grabbing for his chest. Lord Hater was the problem here. And while his drinking was supposed to make him forget his troubles, instead the watchdog was now dwelling on it more. Hurt and anger swirled around inside him, as he realized he wasn't anywhere close to being ready to going back to the skull ship. Hater was there. Being underappreciated was there. Feeling alone and rejected in every way possible-

Peepers sighed, forcing himself to get away from his dire thoughts. He eyed the kanar once more, noticing how low his glass was. The commander, after a few more moments, spoke up again- refusing to look at Awesome.

"Throw in another drink or two, and I just might consider taking you up on that offer…"

Awesome let out a hearty chuckle, and pounded a fist on the bar. "You heard the little man, Max! Two more for the lucky commander!"

"Lucky. Right." Peepers mumbled.

* * *

Two drinks later, Peepers stumbled out of the bar, Awesome right behind him- mostly to keep him from falling over.

"So, where are you-" Peepers' eye shot open wide when he saw the ship that was so huge it took up most of the parking lot. "...parked. Never mind."

The inside of the ship was... not what he was used to, but it didn't surprise him, either. The colors were brighter, and in truth, the ship itself was brighter. Having an eyeball for a head made Peepers suddenly appreciate Hater's dimly lit ship. The commander stumbled forward, and would have face planted if Awesome hadn't reached down and caught him, scooping him up into his arms.

"Whoa, I gotcha."

Somewhere, distantly, a voice in Peepers' mind was screaming at him that this was humiliating. But he was past shame at this point, and allowed himself to be carried deeper into the impressive ship.

The next thing he knew, he was dropped onto a very cushy bed. The watchdog raised his head and blinked at Awesome, who was busy undressing. The emperor caught the accusing look, and grinned at him.

"Relax, bro. Just getting into something more comfortable; I'll crash on the couch tonight." He'd stripped down to his underwear, and pulled out a luxurious robe from the closet, and put it on. Peepers watched all of this from the corner of his eye- taking off his boots and helmet to get ready for bed. It didn't take long, and Peepers' crossed his arms over his small frame and waited as Awesome headed for the door, stopped, and turned back toward him.

"So, I'll be a total gentleman here and only ask once; you need help with that, Peeps?"

Peepers' confusion showed clearly on his face. "Help? With what? Sleeping? Think I got that covered, thanks." He replied sarcastically. When Awesome only grinned wider instead of leaving, Peepers did his best to give a "you can go now" glare.

"You sure you have EVERYTHING covered, little man?"

Slowly, Peepers' foggy mind allowed him to become aware of an uncomfortable... his gaze trailed down to his lap and he yelped, grabbing a pillow from behind him to cover up his shame.

"Don't sweat it, bro, I'm used to having that effect on people." Awesome's half-lidded gaze did nothing to help the growing tightness in the watchdog's suit, as Peepers' pressed the pillow deeper into his crotch. The shark-man came closer, eventually sitting next to the smaller blushing commander. Awesome continued with smugness. "Though, usually I'm actually TRYING to get them hot n' bothered at the time. Yeah, I was totally right 'bout you needing some action- just didn't realize it was THIS bad."

"I… I'm FINE! It was… I'm… It's the alcohol! That's it! Alcohol does that… right?"

Peepers couldn't remember any studies or any articles he had read one way or the other. But he preferred it way more than the thought that he was noticing the exposed bit of chest of the larger man because he thought Emperor Awesome was genuinely attractive. Or the fact that if he squinted, just the tiniest bit, he could easily see the bulky mass as the shape of a certain skeletal overlord. Oh, for grops sake, maybe he shouldn't have had those few extra drinks.

None of this went unnoticed by the emperor. He laughed lightly, more jovial than mean spirited, as he leaned closer down to the watchdog's level. He placed an arm on either side the water bed, Peepers still having his space as Awesome waggled his brows.

"Sure, man. We can totes go with that. Though, that doesn't really answer my question: you need help or what, bruh? I'd be a bad host if I didn't help make you  _comfortable._ "

Peepers was silent as he weighed his options. On one hand, no matter how drunk he was, he still had his self respect, and being one of Awesome's floozies he brought home from a bar wouldn't do much good for his reputation or his self image. On the other hand...

Awesome was right; between work and and being, admittedly, a little awkward on the subject, it had been a long time since he'd had any real action. Self play or otherwise. It probably wasn't healthy, and besides... this might be as close to getting with his boss as he'd ever get.

Peepers turned toward the man beside him, shooting him a well aimed glare.

"If anyone, and I mean anyone, finds out about this, I will see to it myself that the Awesome Empire becomes the Empire of sushi."

Oh, that was terrible. Now he remembered why he didn't drink.

"Tall order from you, short stuff." Awesome smirked. He scooped Peepers up, flopped down on the bed, and dropped the smaller guy on top of his stomach. "But you got it, these lips are sealed. So, how do you like it, Peeps?"

"...Like?"

Awesome's grin only widened.

"Yeah, how you like it? What's your game? Oral? Toys? Missionary? Doggy style? Bruh, I always pegged you as having a domination kink, personally. With maybe a side of humiliation."

Peepers was already starting to regret everything. He didn't feel comfortable with the fact the shark-man had even put thought into his sex life- who even DOES that?! He was about to just call everything off, demand Awesome leave- even if it WAS his room and ship- when the commander was startled by a hand cupping his face. Next thing he knew, the emperor's lips were just inches away from the walking eyeball.

"Well, how about we just let your Brosideon surprise you then. Holla when you like something."

Greedy red lips collided with the watchdog's face as he began to plant kisses on him. He kissed long and hard, the very act stealing the commander's breath away. Oh, okay, so maybe that wasn't so bad- it didn't completely surprise Peepers that he would be skilled at making out. That didn't mean anything, anyway. The watchdog was just… starve for attention, yeah! It meant nothing, all of this meant nothing. Peepers sighed as he closed his eye, pretending that he was kissing back boney teeth instead of the lush lips.

Disappointment gnawed at him when the kiss ended too soon. He opened his eye and immediately wished he hadn't. Awesome was wearing that smartass smirk he'd grown to despise.

"I did not peg you as the type to enjoy that sort of thing, though." He teased. Peepers glowered.

"Oh, shut up. Let's just get this over with already." the commander mumbled, tugging his uniform pants down over his hips. Awesome raised an amused brow.

"So soon? Heh, not much for foreplay, huh? It's cool."

It took a moment for the world to catch back up with him, as the shark man lifted him up, spun around, and plopped him down on his back on the bed. His head was spinning from the booze induced fog, and he squinted at the emperor looming over him.

Awesome slid down his own undergarments, his leopard print thong sliding down his toned thighs. A mixture of fear, regret, and panic was enough to bring Peepers back to reality, if only momentarily; what he was gawking at wasn't only monstrous by watchdog standards, but there were two of them. And by the looks of it, neither of them were even fully erect yet.

Peepers scrambled backwards, until his back was pressed up against the pillows and the headboard of Awesome's bed. He was sputtering and trying to find the words that would get him out of this nightmare. In a flash, those lips from earlier were pressed up against his face, and his fear melted into something else entirely.

"I told you, Peeps, you gotta relax." Awesome cooed, his lips no longer on him, but his breath hot on his skin.

Peepers was beginning to think this wasn't the first time someone had freaked out over seeing the shark-man expose himself. Embarrassment over how he reacted tickled on the surface of the commander's mind, before he was distracted by the tanned hands slipping their smooth fingers under his uniform's top. Peepers held his breath- suddenly having trouble remembering to do the act of breathing at all- as curious hands felt and explored his much smaller frame. They trailed up his sides, grazing his ribs before swirling over his nipples and chest. Fingers found themselves caressing the watchdog's midriff before stopping just where Peepers' elastic of his boxers were.

"Ya know," Awesome said calmly, as he teased around the area- sometimes slipping a finger under the fabric of the watchdog's underwear, "as the brofessor of all things love making, I think I can get away with a lil' lesson here. Sex 101: Sex is great- but only if you do it right. It's an artform just like any other. You can't just rush it and get down straight to the dirty tangos- though, let me tell ya, totes have been REALLY into the moment before and had some quickies. But even those got a rhythm to 'em, you know? You gotta stop and feel the babe out- lit like- and get 'em ready to REALLY party."

Peepers glared, very much aware of just how constricted his nether region was beginning to feel.

"You just really like the sound of your own voice, don't you?"

"You know it."

"Well do you mind shutting up and just getting ON with it, already? Sometime this century and before I start getting back to my senses, would be nice!"

There was a chuckle, but not an unkind one.

"Ouch, bro. You saying you're going to regret this in the morning?" Two fingers hooked the elastic holding Peepers boxers in place, and the commander sighed contentedly despite himself as his erection was freed from its cloth confinements. He made a mental note to be embarrassed about it later.

"Regret isn't a strong enough word for the dread and shame I'll be living with for a while." He replied, his tone lazy and without its usual biting edge. Awesome scoffed and leaned forward, and for a moment, Peepers thought he was going to kiss him again. Instead, he reached over to the dresser, opened the drawer, and pulled out a bottle.

"Trust me, if anything, spending a night with Emperor Awesome and his amazing twins will UP your street cred."

"Uh huh." Peepers was too busy watching Awesome squirt a fruity smelling goo onto two of his fingers, and rubbing it around with his thumb, to be listening to what he was saying. He continued to watch as the emperor held up one of the slicked fingers, and grinned widely at him.

"We'll start you off nice and easy. If you can handle these-" he wiggled his fingers, "then maybe you can try these." He pointed to his groin.

The commander eyed the members a bit wearily, though even he was aware of his own intrigue. What the heck would one of those even FEEL like? Could he even… Watchdogs weren't really made to be stretched that much... He chose to ignore the fact he had been staring at Awesome's crotch for far longer than he should have- as he tore his gaze away towards the emperor's flirtatious and equally proud looking expression.

Grod, Peepers hated that guy!

Though, apparently not enough, as he felt excitement tingle through him at the sight of the fingers nearing his private area. Awesome spread open the commander's legs, his left hand cupping Peepers' inner thigh. He didn't give much of a warning before lightly circling the watchdog's entrance- in no way planning on penetrating him with his thick digits just yet. Still, the commander squirmed from the sensation- his ever anal self tightening his anus every time a finger ran across it.

Awesome, not stopping his task, began speaking in a soft voice.

"Shh, chill bro. RELAX. Dude, I knew you were a tight ass, but this is ridiculous."

Peepers shot the other man an unimpressed glare.

"I've never done this kind of thing before, okay?" he mumbled. Awesome raised a brow and smirked. "I meant with a guy!" the commander snapped, reading that look easily.

"Hey, I ain't here to judge, little man. Let me try something here." He ran a slicked thumb up the underside of Peepers' erection, and his smirk grew into a grin when he heard his breath hitch. He repeated the motion, and with each stroke, he could feel his sphincter muscle relaxing more and more. There was a short, involuntary whine when the stroking stopped.

"You ain't getting off that easily." Awesome teased, and shoved a finger into Peepers' anus. The watchdog flinched violently and screamed, more from surprise than actual discomfort. The muscles instantly tightened around Awesome's digit.

"Dude. What did I just tell you about relaxing?"

"You just shoved your finger up my ass!" Peepers yelled back at him. "There is nothing relaxing about that!"

It was difficult to keep from laughing, but Awesome managed. When he trusted himself to open his mouth without doing so, he replied.

"If you don't relax, it's going to hurt. A lot. So what's it gonna be?"

Peepers glared, like Zyncronian Hell was he going to let his boss' rival hurt him! Putting his pride to the side, the watchdog took in a deep breath- a relaxing technique he found himself using more and more over the years- before exhaling slowly. Relax, Peepers- what are you so… pardon the phrasing, uptight about? Relax and feel, just relax and feel. The mantra to himself was working, as he felt himself calm down. Awesome took this as an invitation to continue, as his thick finger began moving once more. It started slow, getting the commander used to the movement and size more than anything else. When the shark-man noted the slight movement of the watchdog moving with the thrusts, that was when he switched things up- twirling his wrist every time he entered Peepers. His thumb massaging the smooth skin of the commander's testicles.

Awesome smiled to himself as he took Peepers' pleasurable grunting as doing a good job. He would have to remember to high five himself later over the success. However, instead, the emperor decided that the little dude was ready to try another finger. Peepers moaned and tightened himself- his toes curling into the blue silk sheets.

Oh HO, so he WAS starting to get the hang of things!

"I think you're ready to move on up to the big boys." Awesome purred. Peepers' eye shot open when he felt the bed shift. The fingers were removed, and something else pressed up against his back entrance. He clenched by reflex, and had to force himself to relax again.

The commander stared at the double dongs, and they stared back at him. He swallowed the lump in his throat, and tried calming down his rapidly beating heart. Breath. Breathing was important. His eye shot up to Awesome's face.

"You're not... I mean, I don't think I can..."

The emperor chuckled, reading the panicked little watchdog loud and clear.

"Nah, don't sweat it, bro. We'll take it one at a time; every party needs a bouncer."

Still, Peepers found himself nervous all the same. Was he really prepared for this? Did Awesome even supply him with enough lubrication for such a- oh. The watchdog watched as the shark-man poured lube onto his hands- notably far more than he had used for his fingers earlier- as he lathered the fruity gel. The scent of cherry was heavy in the air, almost a bit obnoxious as the commander noted how fitting it seemed in association with the emperor. However, he didn't dawdle too much on the thought, as the squishing noises of lube meeting flesh was enough to distract him. Peepers watched, flustered as he found himself paying far too much attention to Awesome's attentive actions. The shark-man pumped his tan hands over his dicks, both of the blue twins getting equal attention as he looked down at his bad boys with a fond grin. Awesome tore his eyes away as he felt the watchdog's gaze on him, and OH did Peepers' LOATH himself for the involuntary twitch his member gave over the pursed smug lips curling at him.

Remember, Commander Peepers, you aren't attracted to him. It's the fact you're about to.. to… OH, he couldn't even make himself finish the thought! Nor did he have the time to, as Emperor Awesome had just finished lathering himself up. He grabbed onto one of his shafts, as he leaned over and aimed the purple head towards the watchdog's puckered hole. Peepers forced himself to breathe, as he took in the sensation of the cock pressed- but not yet entering him. This was it wasn't it? This was the moment- make or break. He was either going to be in a world of pleasure or a world of pain. He closed his eyes in anticipation as he waited….

When the waiting took far longer than he thought it was supposed to, Commander Peepers opened his squinted eye to look up at the shark-man above him.

"Uh," Peepers' began, confused by the grin on Awesome's face, "aren't you going to… to… well, you know."

The fact the watchdog couldn't even say it was enough to make the emperor break out into mirth. Pulling his dick away as he laughed.

"Dude, I'm surprised you were actually going to let me do it too. Not that I blame you for wanting to take a ramburglar for a ride- totally can't. But… Peeps, even you gotta know I would have ripped you in half."

"I… I…" Peepers blushed in embarrassment, before finding himself getting angry over the teasing. " Then why the hell did you stick your fingers up my ass then if you weren't going to-?!"

"Had to make it believable. Besides... you can't tell me you didn't enjoy it." Peepers' flush and refusal to look at him told him plenty. But it took Awesome by surprise when the little commander sat up, and made a move to get off the bed. With one finger, he pushed him back down onto the bed, and this earned him a fiery glare.

"What the flarg is your problem!" Peepers shouted, angrily. "Haven't you humiliated me enough? The joke's over, ha ha, Peepers is a desperate loser, lesson learned!"

That smug grin faltered and for the first time since Peepers cared to remember, there flashed genuine guilt across his face. That slick smile was back soon enough, though absent was the taunting smugness that had been there all night up until now.

"Naw, bro, you got me all wrong! I still fully intend to help you out, little man. There are other ways of riding this totally Awesome wave, y'know."

The painful throbbing was starting to get to be too much, and Peepers, at this point, felt maybe it would be easier and less humiliating to just take care of it himself. And yet, as the emperor leaned over him, he found his body was unwilling to flee.

Awesome took the commander's deadpan expression- as well as the fact he hadn't tried to escape again- as a sign of interest. Good. Nobody was allowed to leave the Emperor's crib WORSE than when they came in. Bad for his rep, after all. So with that, the shark-man cupped his hand around Peepers' little commander- giving it a test squeeze and liking the nasally gasp it created- as he positioned his crotch with that of the watchdog's. Taking Peepers' penis, he placed them in between his technicolor twins before wrapping a hand around the packages. He gave a wink at the smaller male's confused expression, before beginning to jack all three off.

"Oh, sweet betsy!" Peepers cried out, surprised by the sensation.

While they were nowhere near the same sizes, the commander fit right into place as a missing puzzle piece to a flesh made jigsaw. Peepers gasped from the friction, from the warmth, as he lost himself to the pleasure. It was surprisingly easy to translate the fleshy hand to that of a boney gloved one- not being the first time the suppressed commander had to imagine something of the sort. And yet, with the fact it was somebody else touching him… Peepers took a backseat as his fantasy took over.

He was no longer on Awesome's ship, but in the familiar bedroom of the skeletal overlord. The silk sheets under him became cotton. And the groans… the groans of his easily mixing with the raspy grunts of Hater's as his boss put everything into showing his third in command just how much he appreciated him. Up and down, his grip tight as he continued to pump him with just as much excitement as when the overlord was racing the clock to beat his video games. He could just SEE the jutted jaw extended with smugness as he knew he had the power to do all of this to the pathetic watchdog. Because that's what he was, pathetic and weak whenever he was around him. And oh, oh he didn't mind it. He didn't mind it at all as long as he continued to touch him like that!

Small hands clutched at the pillow behind his head as the pressure steadily grew, though his eye was shut tightly, he could see his boss' piercing eyes watching him, waiting for that inevitable release that would mark his victory. This was one situation his third- hell, this was his fantasy- second in command, would not let him down in.

And then it hit all at once. His hips jerked, his back arched, and he cried out as months of pent up sexual frustration erupted from his nether regions.

"Oh, s-sir!"

It was easy to imagine all of that had come from himself, and was more fitting to the situation taking place in his head. He could feel his whole chest covered in it, even through his uniform. He just laid there, limply, enjoying the calm, electric air of afterglow. It was... quiet.

Why was it so quiet?

Peepers' eye opened a crack, and squinted against the bright lights of- oh. This wasn't Hater's bedroom. This was... grop. His eye shot open the rest of the way when he heard a barely contained snicker.

"'Sir', huh? So formal, considering, dude."

The watchdog looked up at the shark-man that was over him- suddenly feeling more trapped than he did just a mere moment prior. Peepers' stared into those dark eyes- a glimmer of understanding and something else just lingering underneath their inky pools. But his grin- that lipstick coated sharptooth grin looked fierce to him- as if he was suddenly going to rip the commander to shreds.

And it was in that moment that Commander Peepers realized how dangerous it was to be swimming in shark infested waters- Awesome knew. He knew what he had been fantasizing, he knew what the watchdog really wanted. And, even worse, he now knew why he had been so upset.

Peepers just prayed he could worm his way out of his impending doom, before the shark emperor decided to feed.


	2. The Offer

This wasn’t good-- this wasn’t anywhere CLOSE to good! There the watchdog was, trapped under a muscled shark-man at LEAST three times his own size. Trapped, both physically and mentally exposed to the dark hungry eyes that were taking in his every movement. Commander Peepers was one hundred percent royally fucked.

…

Oh, poor choice of words.

Still, the watchdog wasn’t just any old soldier-- he had years of military training under his belt. And his training taught him to never let the enemy know when you were actually afraid. It was a weakness-- and one that could easily be exploited. So, instead, he gave a dead-pan expression-- one he had mastered in every sense of the word-- as he began pulling up his white briefs. Peepers was reaching for his pants when he was suddenly stopped by a hand placed over his.

The commander glared. The glare didn't seem to phase Awesome in the slightest. He merely grinned wider.

"Leaving so soon, little man?"

Oh, how Peepers was growing to detest being called that. His fingers clenched a fistful of cloth and he yanked his pants and hand out from under the Emperor's.

"What, you thought I was staying?"

Awesome reclined back against the bed, smirking, hands behind his head comfortably.

"Kinda have to, am I right?"

Oh, so that was how it was going to be? He'd moved on to threats now? Who did he think he was? Commander Peepers of the Hater Empire would not be intimidated!

Okay, maybe a little bit intimidated.

"Oh, so now I guess you're saying I don't have a choice, huh?" Peepers pulled up his pants, and rolled his eye. He'd have to wait to put his shirt back on after he cleaned off the- oh dear grod what had he just done. He could feel it already drying on his skin, and most of it wasn't even his own. He suddenly felt sick.

"I'm saying," Awesome began, coolly. "You. Don't have. A ride."

Those words were a cause for sudden alarm; had his fist fighters sabotaged his ship while he was... preoccupied? Then he remembered. He left his ship back at the bar. Peepers facepalmed and groaned.

"Unless you WANT me to pull this bad boy right up to Hatey's ship, and drop off his smashed Commander-"

"Oh, shut up." Peepers mumbled. Awesome chuckled. The watchdog checked his pocket- oh good, his communicator was still there. Maybe he could get one of the guys to come pick him up. And then threaten the guy's life should he ask questions or spilled to anyone about it.

"Where's the bathroom?"

The shark-man laid towards the side of the commander-- giving Peepers the space he needed to get up. He stretched out on the bed, his twins flopping comfortable to the side-- on display. (Not as if he had anything to hide, after all.) Awesome pointed towards his right-- where a large white door was closed.

“Shower’s in there if you need, bro. Use whatcha want.”

Peepers mumbled out a thanks as he made his way there. Once inside he took a moment to appreciate just how colossal the bathroom was. The room was tiled in black-- accented by the blue neon lights around the hot tub and large mirror. He looked for a light switch, to maybe give himself a bit more light so he could see the buttons on his standard issued communicator better. The commander sighed when the only knob he found only changed the color of the lights from blue to pink-- even Awesome’s bathroom designs were enough to frustrate him. FINE, no lights. He knew the numbers like the back of his hand-- and only had to press one number on speed dial anyway. So working his way towards the toilet by the glass shower, Peepers sat down and made himself comfortable as he pressed a button on his devise, too out of it to pay much attention as he waited for one of his men to pick up on the other line.

“Come on, come on-- just pick up already you worthless excuses for sold--”

“PEEPERS!”

“....ers?! S- LORD HATER?!”

Commander Peepers pulled back his communicator in horror, as he stared at the ID on the screen. Oh for grops sake-- had he… had he, by instinct, press number one on the speed dial, calling his boss instead?! Oh no. Oh nonononono- THIS WAS THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF WHAT HE WANTED! He was trying to AVOID the guy-- not call him up in the dead of night!

Oh, he was so royally fu---

…

Oh, for pete’s SAKE, Peepers-- the worst phrasings! No, he was in hot water now!

Hater, however, was completely ignorant towards the watchdog’s trepidations as he continued to yell through the speakers. Peepers held the device out at arms' length; he squeezed his eye shut, and with every ounce of courage he could muster, his thumb clicked the end transmission button. When it buzzed to life second after, and Lord Hater's contact name popped up, he threw it against the floor, where it... would have shattered if Peepers was stronger. Instead, it clattered and skid across the floor, stopping under the sink.

Peepers sat huddled on the floor until the buzzing stopped. When the bathroom fell silent again, he got to his feet, and after a moment's consideration, stripped his pants and underwear back off and climbed into the shower.

It was a long, scalding hot shower. It was during that time he came to a definite conclusion; if Hater was still that angry... there was no way he could go back that night.

An hour later, Peepers trudged out of the bathroom, hoping Awesome would be sleeping- he should have known better. The commander took a deep breath, and did his best to smile up at the musclebound shark-man smirking at him from the bed.

"So, ha ha. That uh, invitation to crash here tonight, is that still open?"

Awesome’s smirk slipped a fraction of a second, before returning to his usual smile-- almost making the watchdog question whether he had really seen it at all. Peepers felt his body involuntarily flinch when the emperor began patting the side of his bed--inviting the commander to sit next to his still naked body.

“Sit, dude, I think we need to chat it up a little.”

“... about what?”

Feigning ignorance didn’t help the situation as Awesome replied in the most serious tone the commander had ever heard from the larger man.

“About the fact you got the hots for Hatey, for starters.” The seriousness slipped away almost as instantly as it came as the shark-man continued in amusement. “Now get your cute lil’ badunkadunk over here already-- or do you want me to fetch yo ass, myself?”

Peepers-- who was completely red in the face by this point-- sighed as he did his best to avoid eye contact. Realizing that Awesome’s words were most likely more than a threat, the commander bit the bullet as he worked past his nerves and made his way towards the bed. He slipped onto the mattress-- the same location he was just a mere hour before-- as he fiddled his thumbs in his lap. His back was towards the other man as he finally spoke up again.

“So, uh… where do you want me to start?”

"Lay it on me, Peeps, I wanna hear it all."

And so he told it all. How it all began with a sort of alliance, Hater nothing more than a large, powerful puppet with which Peepers hoped to fulfil his goal of taking over the universe, one galaxy at a time. Leading from Hater's shadow, the brains behind the dolt, feinting loyalty to achieve his dreams.

He told of how, as the years went on, he began to feel genuine compassion for the emotionally unstable dork of a man, and chalked it up to Hater being the closest thing he'd ever had to a friend. Frustration and panic when Hater would fail used to be about seeing nothing but his own failures, caring nothing about the emotional state of his puppet. It wasn't until Hater began turning to Peepers, confiding in him in his own little ways, that Peepers began to realize how much they had in common.

They were both disliked losers with only a business partner to talk to. It was flattering, to say the least, that Hater would choose him and him alone to calm his woes.

Acceptance  of friendship eventually turned into a strange sort of hero worship. Peepers eventually bared witness to Hater's power, not only his magic, but the way the sound of his voice made others cower. Hater was everything Peepers ever wanted to be. Minus the occasional temper tantrums and mild self esteem issues, of course. The commander left that part out; Awesome didn't need to know about that.

"So, when exactly did you start having a boner for Bonehead?"

"I'm getting to that part! Do you want me to tell this story, or don't you?"

"Yikes, sorry little dude, floor's all yours."

"So ANY way... after, oh I don't know, a year of looking up to the guy? It... I mean, it started out with little things, y'know? Things like thinking to myself what kissing a guy like that must be like. I was horrified. But I chalked THAT up to being overworked, not getting enough sleep, but then when I DID sleep, oh... oh the dreams, they were awful..." Peepers was clutching his head now, reliving the stress all over again of coming to terms with his attraction.

He waited for the mocking laughter he knew would follow. When only silence greeted him, he continued.

"Soon, I was thinking about him in the shower... on my lunch break, even on missions sometimes. And it just seems to be getting worse..."

More silence. Great, Awesome had fallen asleep, hadn't he? Oh, well. Saved him the humiliation, anyway, and it did feel good to get it all off his chest. He actually jumped when Awesome finally spoke up.

"Alright. Next question; what do you plan to do about it?"

Commander Peepers turned now, to give Awesome an incredulous glare. Was he being serious?

"What do you mean, what am I going to do about it? I'm not gonna do anything about it! I'm not a moron! Lord Hater doesn't feel a garblin' thing for me, and even if he did, dating my boss would be highly unprofessional, and strictly against multiple codes and regulations!"

“Says who?”

“Says… says  the watchdog handbook, that’s what!”

Peepers failed to mention it was he that had written the thing to begin with. Rules were rules, and what was life without them? Awesome was silent, however, as he mulled over what had been told to him. The commander felt himself fidgeting as he waited. Was this where he made fun of him? And just what would the emperor DO with the information? Tell Lord Hater? Great, how about he get fired on TOP of being executed…. wait, that didn’t make much sense. Peepers was about to contemplate these thoughts when he was jolted out of his hypotheticals by the sound of Awesome’s voice.

“So, let’s get this straight-- heh, straight. So yeah, you totes just plan to go like you’re an emotionless robot that feels nothing for Lord Dickhead, and just suppress everything until it sends you to yet another bar to have a pity party over how much your life sucks? Is that just your big game plan here? Because, bro, that’s totally weak sauce.”

Peepers glared as he threw the dirtiest look he could muster at the shark-man.

“Is that supposed to make me feel BETTER?”

“No, this is. That plan sucks and here is one better: I can’t tell you how to handle your love life, dude-- but I CAN tell you it ain’t cool to put yourself in a crib that’s just going to stress you out to the max. You need a safe zone. And I DON’T mean your room, because let’s be real here-- he can just barge in there whenevs, and that ain’t a place to chill. You also can’t be goin’ around not taking care of your lil’ man either, little man. That, like, just causes all sort of probs and just ain’t healthy. Plus it’s just SAD.”

Emperor Awesome paused as he put his arms behind his head, getting more comfortable before carrying on.

“Lucky for YOU, babe, I can play genie and fix both of those in one go-- use me and my crib to get away from the douchebag. Just totes ring me when you need a different scene, and we’ll make it happen. Let the Emperor show you that lovin’ you so obs need, before you end up busting an artery or somethin’. And if not that, at least share my bed in the other lame sense.”

****  
  


Peepers couldn't believe it. Awesome had the gall to insinuate he'd ever want to do this again- on his own accord. He gave the guy an angry, disgusted look.

"Like that's ever gonna happen." he kept it curt, and didn't bother cussing him out for the insinuation. He was too tired. Peepers curled up into a tight ball, facing away from the other man. "I'm not one of your floozies." he mumbled, shutting his eye and hoping sleep would find him quickly.

"Suit yourself, little man." The lights went off, as Peepers cringed from being called that again.

Early the next morning, Peepers was taken back to his ride, and despite being terrified to do so, he returned to Lord Hater's ship. It was an odd mix of relief and disappointment to learn that Hater hadn't even realized he had never returned home the night before.

In fact, it was as if Hater had forgotten about the whole argument all together. And Peepers let it stay forgotten. Things went back to normal-- routine was the commander’s friend, after all. Wake up bright and early, shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, have the daily morning gathering of the troops, training simulations, ship inspections, paperwork,  wake up Lord Hater, get insulted, have his hard work thrown back in his face, get blamed for everything that could possibly go wrong in the universe, feel the overlord’s electric wrath at least once…. And all before dinner and getting ready for bed. Day in and day out, this was the watchdog’s life.

The only thing that broke routine was the little voice in the back of Peepers head. It was new, it was fresh, and it repeated the words of a certain aquatic dictator. It whispered of temptations-- temptations he REFUSED to give in to! But one day became two… and two became three… And it was by the fourth day-- after having a scolding hot bowl of chilli thrown in his face for being too much like stew (‘And stew is just thicker soup, Peepers!’)-- the commander couldn’t take it anymore. Going back to his room, and slamming the door, the watchdog pulled out his communicator. Not even allowing himself the time to think, lest he chicken out, Peepers angrily dialed in the tracking number of Emperor Awesome’s ship.

“Meet me at the bar, “ he said, not even waiting to hear who picked up, “and you’re buying the drinks!”

All the commander heard was a deep chuckle as he cased communications, that telling him all he needed to know. Peepers sighed, plopping down on his bed, as he did his best to not regret the new path his life was heading down.

“Oh Commander Peepers, “ the watchdog mumbled to himself in self loathing, “ you’re one hundred percent royally fucked.”

**  
He didn’t even have the energy to laugh anymore.  
**

* * *

****  


 


	3. The Outlier

Lord Hater was not happy. Admittedly, this was nothing new to anyone that knew the skeletal overlord- rarely was he ever truly happy. That moment in time, however, he was especially displeased as he held the remains of his chewed up and acid corroded video game controller. He glared down at his spider abomination of his pet, as his other gloved hand waved about wildly.

"CAPTAIN TIM- why in the world would you- THIS WAS MY FAVORITE CONTROLLER! Seriously, out of ALl the things to chew- YOU CHEWED THIS?! Bad Captain Tim, BAAAAD BOY!"

Captain Tim, however, looked up at his owner from his favorite spot on the overlord's bed- not even phased by the accusations in the slightest. Not because they were the truth- which it was, admittedly- but because he simply didn't care. The spider creature was going to do as it pleased- and in that moment in time the controller had looked the most chewable. Tim tilted his head as the overlord sighed.

"No, you're right Captain Tim… it's not YOUR fault. No… You just needed something to teeth on- isn't that right? you couldn't help it, you're just being a horrible monster that you are. Isn't that right, whooo's daddy's horrible lil' monster?"

Captain Tim rolled onto their back, exposing their furry underbelly, as Lord Hater used his claws to scratch and pet- cooing all the while.

"Yooooou are, yes you are! My horrible favorite abomination!"

The skeleton, however, stopped his petting as he glared once more- realizing who he should really blame for his destroyed property.

"No, you're not to blame… But PEEPERS is!" Tim growled at the name as Hater continued. "Yeah, I know. You're usually chewing on HIM. If he was here you wouldn't have been all over MY stuff. Stupid useless- PEEPERS GET YOUR BUTT IN HERE!"

Hater stood, facing his bedroom door, arms crossed, face set in a dangerous scowl, and he waited. He was already going through the little spiel he was going to give, just as soon as the little commander peeked his cowardly little face around the doorjamb, complete with insults, accusations, and threats.

The seconds ticked by, and quickly turned to minutes. No Peepers.

"PEEPERS!" He waited a few more minutes. Still no sign of his third in command. In a huff- he was thoroughly miffed now- he slammed a fist down on the remote control sitting on his night stand. The television across the room switched from television mode to televising mode- Hater's face flashing across every television screen and monitor on board, his voice booming through every inch of the ship.

"PEEPERS! If your sorry behind doesn't report to my bedroom RIGHT NOW, you'll be DEMOTED TO TOILET CLEANING DUTY!... AGAIN! That is all." The communications ceased, and Hater's visage blooped from the screens.

Somewhere in the rec room, one watchdog rolled his eye.

"Yech. They're not even trying to hide it anymore." he told the other, in disgust. His friend shrugged.

"Hey man, I'm proud of 'em. If you think about it, those two totally deserve each other."

Meanwhile, Hater was quickly growing impatient. So Peepers was hiding like the coward he was, huh? Disobeying orders? Refusing to own up to his treason? The overlord stomped out of his room, slamming the door behind him. Captain Tim watched him go, then went to work shredding his pillow.

Hater, however, was ignorant to this as he already made it down the hall- huffing all the way. Stupid, no good Peepers. He was never around when he deserved to get yelled at. The overlord made his way towards his commander's quarters- thankfully the walk wasn't too far, as he kept the little guy on call at all hours. When he arrived he began banging on the door.

"Peepers, I KNOW you're in there! Stop hiding and GET OUT HERE ALREADY!"

Nothing. Alright, plan B. Time to switch things up- the overlord cleared his throat, before giving the biggest fakest smile he could muster. He started to speak once more, this time his voice sounding far too sweet and awkward.

"Oh Peeeeeperrrrs, "Hater cooed, " buddy… pal. HEY, uh, how about opening the door a little? Nothing wrong will happen, I totally swear. I just wanted to have a little talk. Like the bestest best buddies that we are. So what d'ya say, pal… how about you come out here? Huh?"

The skeleton waited…. and waited… and waited. Finally his smile slipped off his face, as he growled. He gloves glowed green as he sparked, his claws gripping and latching onto the door.

"Alright, Peepers, THAT'S IT! You have until the count of three, BEFORE I RIP THIS DOWN DOWN! Don't you even DARE think I'm joking, I'LL DO IT! So…. I'm counting now." Silence. Hater growled again. "Oooone…. twoooo…"

Not a sound from the other side. That was the last straw. Fuelled by overwhelming blind rage- how DARE he ignore direct orders, how DARE he play games like this- the door exploded into splinters from a powerful blast of green energy.

His fist crashed into the light switch on the wall next to the doorway, illuminating the room in dull light. Hater scanned the room... the empty room. There weren't even any places to hide; it was a small, tidy room.

Anger smouldered into disappointment and mild confusion. Huh. That was weird, where could he be? The overlord turned, and left, skulking back down the hallway. Well, that had been a little embarrassing. But maybe he was in the food court?

Three watchdogs stopped their chatting by the water cooler as their leader stomped by. It was alarming and unusual to see him out of his room this late at night. They watched him warily, and flinched as he stopped, turned, and pointed a clawed finger at them.

"YOU! Where's Commander Peepers? Have any of you guys seen 'im?"

The watchdogs exchanged glances, and mumbled to each other. Finally one turned back to Hater, and scratched his head.

"Uh... yeah, he's, y'know. out. Kind of his thing lately...?" The watchdog's tone hinted at Hater being a moron for having to be reminded, and he didn't like that one bit.

"OUT?! His THING? What are you guys TALKING about?!"

The three soldiers exchanged more quick, unsure glances, before the one in the back spoke up.

"Commander Peepers has been going out every night for like, a week or something now-" The watchdog squeaked as he was snatched up and shook.

"Out. WHERE?!"

"I dunno, man- sir! I swear to glorn, none of us know!" Nor had they especially cared. It wasn't a secret that the cruel commander wasn't the most popular guy on board.

"Maybe he's got a girlfriend." The third watchdog shrugged. All four fell silent for a beat. Suddenly all of them, including Hater, erupted into a bout of laughter. The watchdog was dropped, and the overlord wiped a mirthful tear from his eye.

"Okay, okay, that was good. I needed that. But seriously, any of you guys see him, send him over to me, got it?"

The watchdog trio all nodded.   
  
"Yeah, you bet!"

"Sure thing!"   
  
"Yeah, totally!"

Hater, after a moment's consideration, walked back down the hall, back into Peepers room, sat down on the bed... and he waited.

* * *

Peepers was tired, Peepers was sore, but even so, physically satisfied, emotionally drained. He parked the hover jet, climbed out, and began the long trudge back to his room, slumped and exhausted. He was ready for unconsciousness.

His mind snapped through the fuzzy fog as his mental alarm went off when he saw what was left of his door. He ran the rest of the way, skidding around the corner, eye wide as he gaped at the floor, which was covered in splinters that had once been his bedroom door.

"What happened?!" he yelled, to no one in particular.

"I needed to find you, and you weren't here. That's what happened."

Oh man. He didn't like that familiar pseudo-calm tone. Peepers' gaze slowly rose, and met with two blazing green eyes that sent shivers down his spine- not necessarily strictly unpleasant shivers.

"But sir..." Peepers whined. "I don't LOCK my door!"

Silence hung in the air for a moment, as Hater's boney lips pursed into an 'oh'. The watchdog could tell the overlord hadn't even TRIED opening his door before he had went straight for demolishing the thing. Peepers was about to glare and start scolding him, when Hater's dumbfounded expression became a fierce glare.

"WELL, maybe I would have KNOWN that if you were here to TELL me that." Hater stood up from the bed, crossing his arms as he loomed over his much shorter commander. "Speaking of which, WHERE WERE YOU?! I called and looked all over this ship for you- and here I hear you've been going OUT?! One, how DARE you not be here when I need you, and TWO- WHY WERE YOU OUT?!"

The third in command felt his pupil shrink in fear. Oh… He… he found out, huh? Alright, Peepers, play this smooth, no need to lay out all your cards on the table. Find out what your boss knows.

"Oh, so… you noticed, huh? How did you find out I was gone?"

"I asked around, Peepers, how ELSE would I know? I'm not glorbin' psychic! Some of the guys told me, after I looked EVERYWHERE FOR YOU, that you've been going at every night all week. And I DEMAND to know WHY!"

"... Why?"

It was Hater's turn for his pupils to shrink. He looked at the watchdog as if he had suddenly grown a second eye. The overlord's mouth went off before he could say anything intelligent in response.

"... wuh?"

"Why do you want to know why I've been going out? I've been doing everything by the book- waited until after hours when you usually don't even want me around, clocked out so I'm not being payed during the time I'm gone, even filed the proper paperwork so I can use one of the hovercrafts. So with all that said, sir, I would honestly like to know WHY you care about what I'm doing in my private life when it in no ways affects you."

Something about the last few words in his commander's spiel resulted in a heavy, sinking feeling in Hater's chest, and unbeknownst to him, he visibly slumped.

"Well it... I mean, uh..." He fumbled over his words when he realized he didn't have an answer for that. Oh wait! Yes he did! He pulled out the destroyed controller, still dripping with acidic spit as it dangled from its cord.

"Because I NEEDED you and you weren't HERE! Captain Tim destroyed my lucky controller, just LOOK at it! It's RUINED!"

Peepers' defences momentarily shattered; Hater wasn't shouting these things angrily, he was whining like a child, nearly on the verge of tears. Whining like a toddler to their mommy after falling and scraping their knee. The commander made a valiant effort to stay defiant, stubborn, and failed. He heaved a heavy sigh, crossed the room, and carefully took the controller from his boss. Hater sat back down on Peepers' bed... Peepers cringed when he heard it creak. Hater was way too big to be in his bed... he had to shake his head to ward away the embarrassing, yet intoxicating, imagery those words conjured.

Hater didn't even look at Peepers when he climbed up beside him and patted his back in comfort. He just continued to pout, sulk.

"There, there, sir... tell you what; I'll take this to the ship's mechanic first thing tomorrow morning, and we'll see if we can't get this baby patched up, good as new!"

Now Hater did look over at his third in command. He sniffled.

"You really think it can be fixed?" He asked, his voice unnaturally soft. Peepers was the only person who ever got to hear that tone. He stilled the flutters by looking away, instead focusing on pretending to examine the controller. Yeah, there was no way this thing would ever work again. But it shouldn't be too hard to find an exact replacement, anyway. Why, Hater would never know the difference!

"Sure! No problem!" Peepers grinned, confidently. He swore he caught a hint of a smile just before Hater turned away again, but it very well could have been his imagination. He rubbed his boss' back. "Feel better now?"

"Little." Hater mumbled.

"Great!" Peepers hopped off the bed, and faced the sulking overlord on his bed. "Let's get you to bed. It's late, and you know how you get when you don't get your much needed rest!"

Hater merely nodded. He WAS pretty tired. His anger and anxiousness had kept him more than alert while waiting for Peepers, but now... he yawned, and allowed his commander to lead him to his bedroom.

Peepers stopped in the doorway, and Hater turned to look at him as he reached his bed.

"So, um..." he began, awkwardly, glancing away. "Where DO you go, anyway?"

Peepers smiled back. "Sir, with all do respect..." he replied. His chipper tone dropped there, becoming deadpan, almost cold, and his expression matched it.

"That's none of your business."

The door shut, and Peepers was gone.

Lord Hater found himself staring at the door- not even noticing the fact he was standing in the debris of his once functioning and acidic drool free pillow. No- none of that mattered. What mattered were the last few words spoken by his third in command, who was most likely long gone and back in his room.

"What… what did he mean by that?" Hater asked no one in particular, feeling an unusual sense of dread flooding him. "None of my- OF COURSE IT'S MY BUSINESS! Everything is my business! And he's… he's keeping something from me- and i can TELL this is a big something! AND I DON'T LIKE IT! No, he's MY commander, and I DESERVE TO KNOW WHAT GOES ON IN MY EVIL ARMY!"

After all, that's how treason and mutiny begins.

It was with that thought that suddenly a heavy feeling hit the skeleton's phantom stomach like a ball of lead. No… no that couldn't be it. Peepers worshipped the very ground he walked on! Peepers knew he was the best, had always been there for him when he needed him… But… but what else COULD it BE?! Nobody just sneaks around for no reason- and why else wouldn't he tell Hater? It was Peepers job to tell him everything!

It was that very moment the overlord decided he couldn't just let this go on- otherwise the curiosity would eat at him alone! No, Hater had a right to know. And he was GOING to find out one way or another!

"Sleep easily NOW, Commander Peepers… But no one keeps things from LORD HATER! I WILL find out what you are hiding and expose you!"

Little did he know how true his words were...


	4. The Spy

The day had started out just like any other. Lord Hater was woken up by his third in command around noon- still half asleep as the watchdog dragged him into the bathroom to brush his teeth, before getting him to dress in a clean- and ironed- robe. After that was breakfast, where Hater was handed his coffee and his brain began to actually stir. It was when pancakes were placed in front of him did Commander Peepers start rambling about reports- how the troops were doing, what the tech lab just came up with, how he needed Hater to sign for the new budget arrangements, and blah blah blah. The skeletal overlord honestly didn't care- he was busy eating freaken PANCAKES! He was in the pancake zone, the butter mixing with the taste of the krickleberries, and ooooh how they melted in his mouth- no. This was HIS time, no time to care about whatever Peepers wanted. So he grunted with every word asked of him, signed the documents without even looking, whatever he could do to get the guy to just SHUT UP!

Afterwards was the morning conference when Peepers would go and tell him his new plan to conquer whatever planet was next on the list- something like Bajor? Bebop and Rocksteady? AGAIN with the not caring! Hater was more interested in the jams he had on his walkman and just said whatever he thought sounded like an appropriate reaction . Sometimes Peepers was pleased, other times the guy glared and looked furious. Either way, it got the job done and soon it was Hater's free time.

And naturally he spent the next seven hours playing his video games.

It was around 2100 hours when Peepers came in to check on the overlord and give him his dinner.

"Aaand your burgers and fries, with an extra large Coo-Koo Cola- just the way you like it. Is there anything ELSE I can do for you then, sir?"

Hater had been very invested in his game, sunk deeply in the large beanbag he had been sitting it for the past some odd hours. All day he had been trying to beat ONE level- ONE GLORBIN' LEVEL- and he REFUSED to give up until he had beaten it. Ooooh, how hard could it be to get a Slipdarriun Horned Frog to cross a busy road- AND WHY WAS THIS SO IMPORTANT TO BEGIN WITH?!

"Yeah yeah, sure, whatever," the skeleton grumbled, not even tearing his eyes away from his game. "Can't you see I'm sorta BUSY here, Peepers?!"

"Quite busy." Hater didn't need to look at the guy to tell he was giving him his usual dead-pan expression. "Alright, sir, if that's everything then I guess I'll be seeing you tomorrow then."

THIS, however, snapped Hater out of his game straight away- causing his poor frog self to get ran over by a truck and instantly die. The overlord, however, was not paying any attention to his horrible demise as his focus was completely on his third in command.

"WAIT! Uh… does that mean… does that mean you're, you know…. going out again tonight?"

Peepers stopped, but didn't turn around. He sighed- Hater was going to try and make him stay, wasn't he? Well, he was ready for it.

"Yes, it means exactly that. But! Not to worry, sir, I'll be back in time to get a solid night's sleep, and be well rested for tomorrow's duties. " He spoke the words rapidly, with little interest, clearly a rehearsed reply. He only took a step when a gloved hand came down on his shoulder , halting him. Well, glorp. Hater might not have been able to make him stay by order, but he could definitely make him stay by force if he wanted to. Peepers glanced back at Hater, cautiously.

Hater gave his best smile- as fake as it was. He opened his mouth to speak, and the words that spilled out sounded a lot more confident than he was feeling.

"That's cool, y'know, whatever. Been thinking about it, and you deserve some time to yourself, pal!"

Peepers gave him an incredulous glare. Oh, this wasn't right. This wasn't right at all. Hater would never say that. Not in a million years would he say that... suddenly, Peepers wanted more than anything to get out of there.

"...Thanks?" The lead ball in his stomach lifted when the hand on his shoulder did. He turned to leave again, and stumbled forward when a hand slapped him on the back. It took him a moment to realize it had been meant as a friendly gesture, and not an unexpected attack. He mentally scolded himself for forgetting one very important rule; never turn your back on a potential enemy OR a potentially ticked off or mentally unstable boss.

"Have fun!" Hater sang. Oh, that gave Peepers the creeps. What was WRONG with him?

"Yeah sure..." Peepers mumbled, and practically jogged out of the room, not planning on slowing until he reached the hanger.

Hater stood in his room, and he watched his third in command leave, waited a few moments, and then scrambled to his dresser drawer. He yanked it open, and pulled out an electronic box, about the size and shape of a hand held video game. He switched it on, and with a click of a button, a flashing red dot appeared against a vague sort of grid, numbers and coordinates rapidly scrolling through up in the corner. Now Hater's smile was true... and decidedly mischievous.

The tracking chip he's stuck to Peepers' back before he left would make sure Hater got the answers he was looking for.

Hater waited a good ten minutes more before dashing out of his room- not even bothering turning off his game system- as he made sure to give his commander a good enough head start. He wanted to be able to track him… not instantly get spotted, after all. Years of gaming had at least taught him THAT much. It was when he went down to the hangar and got into one of the hovercrafts- not even bothering signing for it- did he realize he didn't think this through. UGH! Of COURSE he would be too big for it! Stupid army of little people! He looked around to see if there was ANYTHING he could use that was more his size. That was when he saw, in the far corner of the docking room, a vehicle that resembled a mix of a scooter with a loading truck. ….Yeah, okay, that would work. Lame ride for a totally top secret skeleton spy, but it would have to do. So with his handheld tracker held out in front of him, Lord Hater started up the hoverscooter and made his way out into the vast night.

* * *

Leading him straight towards a casino planet.

No, wait, that couldn't be right. The overlord looked at the device in his gloved hands once more, glaring at it and DARING it to lie to him. When it still blinked at the same location, and even a good smack from the guy not changing it, Hater came to the conclusion it was one hundred percent correct.

"Why the heck would Peepers come to THIS stupid place?" Hater questioned aloud. " What, he's gotta gambling addiction or somethin'? He BETTER not be stealing MY money for his own dumb problems!"

The skeletal overlord made his way towards the planet, still following the red blinking dot, as he made his way towards the planet's largest casino. It was there he saw the watchdog's ship parked in the parking lot-amongst a sea of others. Yeah, no, there was no denying it… Peepers was there, all right.

Hater took one step through the large glass rotating doors, and instantly cringed. It was loud, it was colorful, it was crowded, and the lights were blindingly bright compared to the ones on his ship. He was about to turn around and leave when he spotted a familiar face from all the way across the building... or did he? It was hard to tell with all of those colorful flashing lights everywhere, but he was certain he saw one of his greatest nemeses chatting it up at the bar- no doubt picking up some hot lady to take back to the ship with him for the night.

Although not the reason he was here, there was no reason he couldn't scope out what Awesome was doing, too. He didn't see Peepers anywhere, and besides, getting secret intel on your enemies was always a good idea. He just had to get past the sea of people, loud casino machines, and betting tables, without being seen.

Hater sighed before going into action. He tip-toed further into the building, before plastering his body alongside the wall. The skeleton smiled to himself, as he realized just how cool and badass he was at that moment- acting like a real spy from some of his favorite movies. The name's Hater…. Lord Hater. Yeah… really had a ring to it! Double-O Hate- ooo, just the name sent a tingle down his spine! Hater continued to make his way down the long hall, ducking behind every plant, and barrel rolling every time a large entranceway from another hall opened up and took his wall space. All the while he could practically HEAR the awesome music he would have if he really was Double-O Hate.

Unbeknownst to the overlord, many a person walked past, staring, wondering what the overgrown doofus was up to.

Some odd minutes later, Hater was finally at the end of the hall. Hiding behind a potted fern, he peaked his head out and around the corner to see if he could spot his rival once more. He was first greeted with how blue the room was. Neon spiral lights were on the ceiling, looking more like a giant tentacle beast was getting ready to attack the place than anything else. The black floor seemed to take in the light, just like the white chairs and sofas lining the room, making the room mix with its blue and purple hues. Hater's eyes found their way to the bar- the large fish tank against the wall alive with electric eels swimming about and illuminating the place even more.

It was at the end of the bar, sitting in one of the circular chairs, where he saw Awesome. The shark-man was smiling brightly- his red lips a contrast compared to the rest of the room. The emperor laughed, as he rested a hand on the back of the chair next to him.

It was then Hater noticed just who was sitting in that chair, accompanying him.

"PEEPERS?!" Hater cried out, before covering his mouth and hiding back behind the wall and fern. That… That wasn't very spy-like. But he ignored his blunder as he thought over what he had just witnessed. Peepers, HIS commander, was… was meeting up with AWESOME?! The biggest and most conceded walking fishstick in all the galaxies? What in the name of the nine galaxies was HE doing there… and… AND WITH THAT GUY?!

All of his questions were answered and everything suddenly fell into place, as Hater watched the two raise their glasses in a toast. So that was it, then, wasn't it? His right hand man, his most trusted ally, the guy he'd intrusted with his every secret for years... had betrayed him. And what was worse, he'd run off to none other than his second most hated person in the universe. And the little jerk didn't even have the nerve to tell him! Sneaking around like-

Hater gasped. Peepers hadn't left, because he was acting as an inside spy! The overlord's blood began to boil to think that that no good, unappreciative eyeball thought Hater was dumb enough not to catch on. So he thought he could just continue to come and go as he pleased, all the while gathering secrets and classified information to feed to his new best buddy, huh? Right under his nonexistent nose? Well then he had another thing coming!

Hater wasn't even watching them anymore. He was sitting on the floor, slumped over, arms crossed, mumbling to himself like a grounded child, back facing the disgusting display. It wasn't until his handheld device beeped that he came out of it, scrambling to locate the thing and see what its deal was.

The Peepers dot was on the move again... Hater looked up, frantically searching the crowds. He shot up to his feet when he spotted Emperor Awesome leaving with his third in command. Now he was faced with a decision; tail them, or go back to his ship and start thinking up the best way to dispose of the little traitor when he returned.

Nah, there was plenty time for disposal options later. He was getting way too good at this super secret spy stuff- MUCH better than Peepers - to give it up now. The overlord didn't even bother being discrete, running at full tilt across the crowded lobby, knocking gamblers and tables out of his way as he did so. Luckily, Emperor Awesome's ship still hadn't left the parking lot by the time he skidded to a stop outside of the casino.

However, he could see the hangar already starting to close- causing him to let out a panicked and shrill cry. Going by instinct alone, Lord Hater dashed for the large vessel- leaping and doing his best to use his upper body strength and his long legs to flail and pull himself up the closing ramp. He landed inside of the ship, falling on his face, as he laid there for a moment trying to create the will to go on. UH, seriously, that hurt WAY more than he thought it would. A large chunk of Hater's drive was suddenly gone, as he nursed his aching face in a gloved hand. All he wanted to do now was go home, crawl into bed, as Peepers helped make him feel all bet-?!

WAIT A MOMENT! PEEPERS! That guy, the traitorous watchdog, was the reason he was even out and about in the FIRST place. Anger swelled up inside the skeletal overlord, as he used it as momentum and drive to pick himself up. Yes, right- mission. He was on a mission to gather all the intel he could before disposing of his third in command. Hater needed to find out just what those two were up to, see if they had any plans on assassinating HIM and trying to steal HIS empire!

Once more Hater sprinted- this time running down the only hall available. His spy movies had always taught him that staying in place too long was NEVER a good idea- it was how they got caught, after all. And the LAST thing he wanted was to get caught in enemy territory- Awesome was the WORST when he bragged! Making his way down the first double corridor, he made a quick turn before plastering himself along the wall- looking from side to side before running down the hall, hoping he was going in the right direction where he might find SOMETHING of interest.

On the other end of the corridors, where Hater had failed to even look, were two fistfighters watching this with curiosity.

"Uh," the first one said to the other, unsure of himself, "should we… ya know, report that?"

"What? Naaah. Dude, no. I don't know what the guy's up to, but if I know anything after all these years of working with Awesome… Lord Hater is a riot and known to trip himself up sooner or later."

"So… security cam watching then?"

"I'll make the popcorn!"

* * *

Surrounded by doors that lined either side of the long corridor, Hater was already feeling frustrated. He knew how it was in video games; he'd try every one of these doors, and every one of them would be locked. What was he looking for, anyway? Documents? Battle plans? Where did people keep those things, anyway? Peepers had always been in charge of those kinds of things...

The door at the very end of the hall easily caught his attention. The door frame was lined with florescent tube lights, and Awesome's stupid insignia hung proudly in the center. None of the other doors mattered now, that was obviously the door he was looking for.

A cloyingly sweet odor made him wrinkle his nose, as he slipped inside the dimly lit room. He flailed a hand up and down the wall until he found the light switch. Hater actually yelled when the lights came on, and nearly blinded him. These lights were even brighter than in the casino! What was WRONG with people?! He quickly switched the lights back off- the tacky mood lighting should suffice for what he needed.

Hater glanced around the room... yeah, not much had changed. Same stupid waterbed. Same stupid bathroom door. Same stupid walk in closet. Same stupid everything that he'd modeled his own bedroom after. Not that he'd ever admit that to anyone but- never mind.

Hater loomed over the first dresser drawer, grinning maliciously as he wrapped a hand around its delicate handle- Awesome's secrets were about to be his.

That grin quickly fell into a scowl, as he pulled out an odd array of things that told him nothing. A few bottles of lotion, a bottle of something else he didn't recognize- he realized with a gag it exuded the same nasty sweet smell that hung in the air, and chucked the bottle over his shoulder before he yarked all over the place. This was getting him nowhere.

Hater then noticed something else very… strange in the drawer. Raising a bony brow, the overlord reached in a pulled out an odd looking toy that looked more like a lightsaber than anything else. Except.. except it was all WRONG! The silver handle was WAY too short, and the actual light sword bit was made out of a red rubbery material. How in the world were you even supposed to SEE the thing light up when you turned it on through something that thick? UGH! Amateurs, Awesome couldn't even tell he was buying a knock off collectible- no WONDER he kept it locked away in a crud drawer!

The skeletal overlord had been too busy looking the thing over that he didn't realize his hand had slipped. The fake lightsaber turned on, scaring Hater. He screamed.

"GAH! Oh, uh, HOW DO I TURN THIS THING OFF?!"

He didn't have too much time to think, however, as he suddenly heard people coming down the hall and familiar voices outside the door. WHAT?! It was… IT WAS AWESOME AND PEEPERS! In a panic, the skeleton shot out his powers, frying the thing, before shoving it back in the drawer. Hater had only enough time to dash towards the closet, closing the door behind him, as the emperor and the commander entered the room.

The shark-man was the first to enter.

"Dude, I'm just SAYING. If you're going to go for something, might as well go BIG!"

"I'm sure that's your opinion on most things," Hater could hear the watchdog snark, no doubt with that unimpressed stare he always seemed to have. " But *I* tend to have a budget to manage and look after. It's one thing to give into Hater's whims of childish fancy, but I REFUSE to spoil the troops with such ludicrous and ridiculous gifts."

Not that anyone could see it, but Hater scowled from the closet. Childish whims, huh? Talking about him behind his back, huh? Did they always do that? ... Of course they did! It's what traitors did! Yeah, well, let them talk. Let them discuss all of their plans and secrets, obviously Hater had known this was their meeting place, their plan... discussing... room! Yeah. All was going according to plan. Hater couldn't remember ever feeling so smooth as he did at that very moment.

"Soldiers work harder when they get solid downtime, bro. A television and a pool table just won't cut it." Awesome replied, casually. Peepers had climbed up and was sitting on the edge of the bed, and was kicking off his shoes... was that weird? Because it seemed a little weird.

"They're lucky they got the pool table!" Peepers snapped back. Awesome snickered and seemed about to reply, when he kicked something laying on the floor, and bent to pick it up. He looked at the bottle of lube and raised a brow.

"Hmmm... heh." Awesome turned to the bed, smirking. "So! Peeps... whatcha in the mood for tonight?"

"Oh, I don't know…" Hater peeked the door open a little more, as he took in the commander's expression. Was that… embarrassment? " The… thing you got last time seemed like it worked well enough, I suppose."

"Vibrator. You can say 'vibrator', dude. Nobody is around to hear you." The shark-man smiled wider, this time his teeth peeking from behind his red painted lips. "But whatevs. You're the big honcho in charge here, lil' man. Your wants is my pleasure~"

"You're starting to make me want to reinstate that 'no talking' rule."

It was fair to say the skeletal overlord was beyond confused as Awesome walked around to the side of the bed where his stupid crud drawer was as he pulled out the lightsaber toy. Hater found himself flinching… not that he would ever admit it, for course, as he witnessed the emperor frowning as he turned towards the watchdog.

"Thing looks like it's totally been fried…. oh well, I think I might have something better for you anyway, if ya totes want to experiment with a bit more girth, broseph."

"Yes, fine, whatever."

"Sweet. Pick a color. Blue, pink, or green?"

Hater witnessed a blush come across the commander's face, as he turned away from Awesome, glaring at the wall as he crossed his arms across his chest- mumbling.

"Green."

"Pfft! Should have figured. You and your boner for Bonehead."

Hater's metaphorical heart sunk like lead. Hater, admittedly, had never heard that phrase before, but it sounded an awful lot like "a beef with Bonehead". And Hater knew what that meant. Was Peepers really that upset? Uhg! What was he thinking; Peepers had already betrayed him, and a traitors' feelings were of no concern to him.

He always, in the back of his mind, knew he shouldn't keep Peepers around. He was too smart, too capable, too shady. He didn't know, however, that his traitorous activities would include running off to one of his most hated enemies to talk about him behind his back and play with crappy lightsaber toys.

Why had Peepers never played lightsabers with HIM? ... Stop that! He had to mentally scold himself and force himself to focus on the task at hand.

"You call that a BIT more girth?!"

Peepers' sudden cry of shock, perhaps bordering on fear, had Hater opening the door a crack further to get a better view of the two. Awesome was holding another crappy toy... green, but just as light-less and cheap looking as the first. It did seem wider, Hater guessed, but why should that make a difference?

"Aw, come on, you can handle it! Besides, the bigger, the closer to the real thing, am I right?" That was a legit question. Awesome had no idea if he was right or not. Peepers, by this point, had seemed to make it a point not to look at Awesome at all.

"How should I know!"

Peepers was lying. Hater knew it just because of the sound of his voice. His voice always went a bit shrill when he was defensive and lying about something. ...Why the overlord knew that, however, was a different story. He never quite realized he DID pay all that much attention to his commander. Though… obviously he did! That was why he was able to figure out Peepers was a double agent, after all!

The question was…. why WAS he lying to the guy?

Hater was interrupted from his train of thought, however, by the overly familiar nasally voice once more.

"Just FINE. Alright, let's just try it. But I swear to glorn, Awesome-"

"Yeah yeah, bad threat most likely involving sushi or other related fish puns. Totally like a broken record, dude." The emperor was making his way back to the bed, while Peepers was beginning to take off his helmet. Both the skeleton and the watchdog jumped at the same time, as Awesome's arm shot off to stop him.

"Woah, hey, hold up now. Keep the helmet on."

"What?! Why?"

"Real talk, it looks good on you. What can I say, always dug a bro in uniform."

Peepers' hands left his helmet, but he rolled his eye and muttered, "Weirdo".

Hater's unease was growing, as he continued to watch. Didn't Peepers get a lightsaber? How was this a fair fight if Peepers wasn't armed? When his third in command began slipping his pants off, Hater's jaw dropped- thankfully he managed to catch it before it clattered to the floor. Peepers was expected to fight without a weapon OR pants? He knew Peepers was GOOD, but...

"Come on, little man, dramatic pauses are so two minutes ago. Lose 'em."

"Don't RUSH me! I don't care HOW long this has been going on, it's still WEIRD, okay?! Sheesh!"

A hint of a smile pulled at the corners of Hater's mouth. Good, he wasn't the only one who found this weird. Whatever smile that had managed to surface was instantly gone when Peepers hastily pulled down his underwear- oh dear grod. What was this, really? Luckily, the overlord managed to cover his face before they got low enough to flash anything he really probably didn't want to see.

Hater peeked between his fingers when he heard the sound of squirting. Curiosity got the better of him as he looked out the closet once more, seeing Awesome squirt some of the pink gunk onto the toy. That horribly strong fruity smell entered the air once more, and it took everything in Hater's power not to gag. Still, the skeleton watched on as the shark-man continued to spread the funky gel over his hands as well.

Hater really felt like he was going to lose his dinner once Awesome began to… to… to TOUCH Peepers down below with his fingers!

Okay, there was no denying what was going on- the overlord might not have been the most… INFORMED in matters of most species reproductive habits… But even HE wasn't stupid enough to not realize what this… THIS THING WAS! They were… but… oh, Hater was starting to feel really sick as he could hear his commander moan from outside the closet door. Disgust flooded his senses, as his brain tried to figure out why… WHY would PEEPERS have sex with THAT guy?! He… he thought he HATED Awesome!

What was that buzzing sound? It sounded like...

Ohhh that was gross. Hater suddenly realized that thing he'd touched earlier must have been some kind of sick sex... thing. Despite the fact he'd been wearing gloves, Hater hastily began wiping his hands on a cape hanging beside him, his tongue hung out to complete the vision of pure disgust. He turned back out of reflex when the two began talking again.

"Is it really necessary to turn it on before it... goes in?"

"Just makin' sure this one works, Peeps. Alright, ready? Remember to relax..."

"I am relaxed! This is me relaxed!"

Peepers wasn't relaxed, Hater noted. But Awesome seemed to be taking his word for it. The emperor moved in closer, and- oh grod. Shifted to the side; now Hater had a full view of his commander's compromising situation. Hater did his best to keep his eyes on Peepers' face, but the blush and unfamiliar expression there were making him feel just as awkward.

It wasn't until the lightsaber... THING was positioned and the squelching sound began, that Hater was able to tear his eyes away and stare into the darkness of the closet, instead. Why was he here? Why was he WATCHING this?

And.. and why did it make him feel so… so… sad?

No, Hater wasn't sad. Why would he be? He was… he was betrayed! YEAH, that's right. Here his SUPPOSEDLY most trusted soldier- his right hand man!- had been sneaking off to… uh, get way too personal with one of the skeleton's most hated . And it just didn't make SENSE! Sure, Awesome was… good looking, he guessed. You know, if you were into annoying sushi dudebros… who just happened to be built with muscles that could make even a professional bodybuilder jealous. And there was the fact he was like, ridiculously popular… with practically everybody the guy met. But… surely that wasn't enough to start DATING him over!

Hater felt his stomach churn over the word, completely confused why the word "dating" would make him sicker than what the overlord currently had going on in front of his presence.

"Yo, don't be getting TOO excited," Awesome said, breaking the silence and taking Hater away from his private thoughts, "you know this party ain't even CLOSE to being over yet!"

Lord Hater watched in horror as the emperor began to strip, removing his shirt in a gross seductive manner. Oh dear grod, could this POSSIBLY get any worse?!

Yes, the answer was yes. That much was obvious when Awesome's pants joined his shirt on the floor, and those underwear didn't cover nearly enough.

"Uhhg!" Hater couldn't stop the sound that escaped his throat as his stomach did another flip. Luckily, it didn't seem like either of them had heard him. When he'd built up enough courage- or curiosity- to peek back out, he was met by an even worse image. Awesome was sitting on the bed now, back up against the headboard, legs spread, and what the grop was that?

Oh. Of course. Of COURSE Awesome had two! The guy couldn't just ONE up him, he had to go all the way and TWO up him! And...

And now he took notice to Peepers straddling both of them, back to Awesome, facing... the closet. A bolt of panic shot up the overlord's spine, and he wasn't completely sure why. Those things were going to rip his commander in half if he tried what Hater thought he was about to try, but isn't that what a traitor deserved?

The skeletal overlord let out a sigh of relief he didn't even realize he was holding as he witnessed the emperor place Peeper's loins among his own- oh… so they weren't… Good! Last thing he wanted to see was the watchdog die of blood loss, or something- even if the traitor totally had that coming! Betray Lord Hater, and you die of some crazed reproductive organs related way!

… Okay, that sounded weird to even him.

But no matter, that thought quickly passed as the mixed sounds of squishing, buzzing, and moans filled Hater's skull. Hater blushed a brilliant and vibrant shade of green as he hid deeper behind the royal purple capes- yet finding himself unable to look away. Oh… oh dear grod… the movements in themselves were almost hypnotizing to watch- as Awesome's hands pumped their collective… uh, fleshlings. Yeah, those things. Up and down they went, the two individuals rocking their hips along with it. Hater's gaze soon switched to Peeper's face as his noises became more of a needy whine- his helmet clanking and bobbing along with them.

One of the watchdog's hands went up to grab the head wear, as the other held onto the emperor for dear life.

"Oh, oh, ohoooooh…"

"Yeah, that's right, babe." Awesome's voice was low, almost a whisper as he seemed to taunt the shaking soldier on top of him. Hater found himself glaring as he caught the next words. "Just the two of us, let it out."

Perhaps it was a sense of morbid curiosity more than intrigue that kept Hater's eyes glued to the display practically in front of him, even though everything else in his brain was screaming at him to look away. This was a private matter, one that he was obviously not supposed to be a part of, and yet...

Hater had only a... vague idea of how things like this worked. Reproducing through... mating, wasn't something that was done, or even possible in his species. He'd heard stories, sure, accidentally clicked the wrong thing on his computer and was forced to watch something like this, yeah. But he'd never actually seen how it ended.

It only took one word yelled by his- former- commander to bring the world rushing back, and crashing down around him.

"SIR!"

"Wha?" the look on Hater's face, if any were to bare witness to it, was one of complete and utter heartbroken betrayal. He'd just witnessed his most trusted ally call his number two enemy... Sir. That was HIS title! HIS! Could this night possibly get any worse?

"Oh, YES! You are! The greatest in the! Ohhh... The Galaxy!"

Oh. Oh no. Not that. ANYTHING but that. He couldn't! He wouldn't! He... he just had. Hater never realized that Peepers' opinion meant anything at all to him, until he felt the tears burn his eyes. But he was finally able to turn away now, huddled up, back facing them, as he sat there and pouted.

"LORD! HA-HATEEER!"

Oh no, it- wait, what?

Hater found himself whipping his neck back around- it cracking in the process- as he stared. Did… Did Peepers just say…his name? Why in the nine galaxies would he do that?! The overlord began to panic, growing hot in the face as the closet was becoming far too small and stuffy for him. No, the whole SHIP was becoming far too cramped for him- Hater needed to escape. He needed to run as far away as he could from this awkward and confusing situation. He needed to go back home, hide under the covers and wait for Peepers to comfort hi-

GYAH! NO! PEEPERS WAS THE PROBLEM HERE!

And yet, all the same, Hater felt frozen to the very spot- fear and confusion making his brain want to shut down and stop processing anything at all. It took the overlord some time before he focused back on reality, as he caught the two outside of the closet talking once more.

"Wow," Emperor Awesome whistled, as Hater could hear the sound of most likely Peepers still panting. "Dude, totally rode that one like a champ. Impressed, for reals. One of these days you'll need to totes share what kinky fantasies you're having 'bout Bonehead with the rest of the class."

"Not likely."

Peepers' words were mumbled, agitation evident, but barely. In fact, it was possible this was the first time Hater had ever heard his commander use such a calm-

Fantasies?

Peepers was already up and pulling his underwear back on. Awesome was watching him in a way that would have made Hater's skin crawl if he had any.

"Same time tomorrow night, Peeps?"

"What do YOU think." Hater was having trouble placing the angry edge in Peepers' voice that had replaced the contented one he had shown moments before. He completely missed Awesome rolling his eyes- he was far too focused on watching his third in command.

"Bro... you KNOW I don't mind giving you a hand now and then, but you're gonna have to fess up eventually-"

"Oh HA. Wasn't funny the first time you said it, and it's even LESS funny now. I can stop this whenever I want to! I have got this completely under control, nooo problem!" The commander had finished dressing during that conversation, and made haste to the bedroom door, exiting without so much as a farewell. A second passed, and the door reopened.

"COMPLETELY UNDER CONTROL!" the door closed and stayed closed this time.

Awesome chuckled, swung smoothly off of the bed, and stretched. Then, to Hater's sudden horror, began strutting toward the very closet he was currently using to hide in. The overlord backed up as far as he could, hoping to Grod the garish capes and uniforms would conceal him.

The closet doors opened. Awesome's razor toothed grin almost seemed to glow in the gloom.

"Enjoy the peep show, Hatey?"

_Lord Hater had never felt more trapped._


	5. The Change in Plans

_Lord Hater had never felt more trapped._

"I…uh, y-you see…" Sweat was beginning to trickle down the side of the overlord's skull- his body trembling as he tried his best to phase through the back of the closet and away from Emperor Awesome's predatorial gaze. He was caught, and every good spy movie enthusiast knew how dangerous that was. The skeleton was going to be tortured by the enemy, or worse- have him brag and gloat about how he lured Hater's commander over to the dark...er side and used his hot looks to get Peepers to betray him. Well, two can play this game. Doing his best to look as intimidating as he could, Lord Hater puffed up his chest as he jumped up and showed off his true height- ready to lie his way out of the situation.

"I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING!" A pause. "And for the love of glorn- PUT SOME PANTS ON!"

Awesome snickered, and Hater actually flinched when the naked emperor extended a hand toward him- not that he'd ever admit doing so. The overlord felt pretty foolish when Awesome merely reached around him to grab a bath robe.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, Bonehead. Little tip, though?" Hater watched the guy as he crossed the room, at least he was covered now, and swiped something off the nightstand. He returned to the closet, and held up the small tracking chip he'd stuck to Peepers' back before he'd left.

"If you're gonna use one of these old fashioned things..." he dropped it into Hater's cloak pocket, and Hater jerked away, expression somewhere between a gape and a scowl.

"At least TRY and hide it better."

"YOU MEAN YOU KNEW I WAS FOLLOWING YOU?! YOU- ... you even knew I was IN here, didn't you?!"

"Pssh, duh? You weren't exactly graceful about it, dude." The closet door closed casually, leaving Hater in the closet as if his existence there didn't mean anything at all to Awesome.

And Hater stayed there for a few minutes longer. What was the proper way to feel right now? What was the protocol for what happened next? Eventually, the closet door opened, and a begrudged skeleton stepped out, hood purposely hung low over his face.

"So, um..." he mumbled to the shark man grinning at him from the bed. "Are you guys, uh... dating, or...?"

The emperor scoffed, as he made himself more comfortable- laying on his side.

"Pfft. You don't have to date to fuck, bro."

"...Oh. Uh, well, I KNEW THAT!" No he didn't. But best not to let Awesome know that. Hater found himself glaring at the man. "Still! I don't know WHAT you're planning, and I don't care what sort of freaky disgusting game you are playing with MY commander… But if you think, for one moment, I'm going to let you use Peepers to worm information about MY empire- YOU GOT ANOTHER THING COMING! I WILL TORTURE YOU IN VARIOUS AND HORRIBLE WAYS BEFORE I LET YOU-"

"Woah, woah, WOAH!" The shark-man found himself sitting back up with a jolt, using his hands in both a mild defense and as a way to shush the enraged skeleton. "Is THAT what you think is going on here? After watching that performance, THAT'S what your brain cooked up, Hatey?"

"Well, YEAH! What the heck else could be going on?"

Whatever retort Hater had been expecting- some sort of half baked and totally see-through ruse… the last thing the overlord expected was for the emperor to dare and LAUGH IN HIS FACE!

"Oh… OH EM GEE, DUDE! Dude, serious? You bein' for reals? Oh grod, you're more of a fuckin' lameass dorkwad than I THOUGHT you were!"

Hater didn't understand. Not understanding made him feel stupid, and feeling stupid made him angry. Awesome's taunting words made him even MORE angry, to the point he was seeing red. The overlord roared incoherently, and shot a double dose of bright green voltage in Awesome's general direction.

"SHUT! UP! How DARE you speak to LORD HATER that way!"

The queen sized waterbed exploded when the lightning hit it instead of its intended target, drenching everything in the room, and sending the shark man thudding down hard on what was left of the bed.

The room fell silent. Hater stared in shock. Awesome sat there, obviously still unsure what had just happened. When it finally caught up to him...

"Dude..."

The look on Awesome's face when he turned to face Hater was one of cold blooded rage. Even Lord Hater knew he'd just made a mistake.

"NOT. Cool." The emperor was up off the destroyed bed and in Hater's face before he was aware he had ever moved at all.

"Listen up, you worthless pile of bones. I'm only gonna go over this ONCE." Hater backed up as Awesome advanced.

"The ONLY reason YOUR commander is in MY ship, sharing MY bed- which is TOTALLY ruined now, by the way- is because APPARENTLY the little dude isn't feeling the love at home!"

Hater was up against a wall now. Literally and figuratively.

"...Whuh- ... huh?"

"Yeah. That's right. Tip number TWO for the night, Hatey; when a guy screams your name as he creams, guess what? HE'S INTO YOU. Commander Peeps has it BAD for you, dude, and HORK if I get why. So he's been comin' to me, while thinking about YOU, to let off the steam that builds up after DEALING with you all day!"

This was a lot of information to process all at once. Hater opened his mouth and tried to retort, to scream back at him, but nothing intelligible made it out. At last Awesome seemed to cool down and backed off, returning to his ruined bed and sitting on the edge on the bed box, crossing his arms over his chest.

"So. Here's the question. Dude to dork; whatcha gonna do about it?"

What… what was he going to DO about it?! Emperor Awesome dropped a big bombshell on him… and he EXPECTED HATER TO HAVE A GAME PLAN FOR THIS ALREADY?! The overlord was having trouble keeping himself conscious at that moment in time, how was he supposed to come up with a brilliant plan for how to deal with all the new information ON TOP OF THAT?

"I… I," Lord Hater sputtered, "I don't know! What the heck am I supposed to do?!"

"Bang him, for one thing."

"Uh, say what now?"

"Nevermind, whatevs. We'll get to that part later. First up, Mister 'wanna unleash bromogeddon up in here': you might want to evaluate your feelings for the lil' dude. Like, what's your sitch here? Knowing the deets, what's going on in that usually empty skull of yours?"

Hater crossed his arms as he glared. He was tired of the guy insulting his intelligence- how the heck was he supposed to know his third in command had feelings for him? Nobody would have saw it coming! Still, with that all said, the overlord began to think the questions over. What was he thinking? How did he feel? He was confused- duh! How obvious could THAT one be? But, you know, besides that…. He felt… sick. Heavy kind of sick. Like 'oh dear grod was he going to barf all over the carpet any moment this was way too stressful for him to deal with right now' variety, here. Peepers had feelings for him. How… how long had THAT been going on- let alone the watchdog giving into this messed up situation between him and Awesome? (Because no matter how dumb the shark-man tried to play him up to be- Hater could smell his fishy hands all over it.)

Hater tried to think about anything that could have led up to what he had witnessed in the closet. Like, little moments that could have made Peepers jump from a guy he bossed around to a guy that was having… THOUGHTS ABOUT HIM. It just… made no sense! Sure, Peepers SOMETIMES went the extra mile for him. And suuure, his commander also had a habit of making him feel better with his praise and comforting touches when Hater needed them the most…. But that was his job! It didn't mean anything! He was SUPPOSED to do those things for him!

Then… if he was SUPPOSED to do those things for him… why did they make the overlord feel like the most special somebody in the whole wide universe?

"Well, bruh? I'm waiting."

"I'M THINKING! And it's... none of your business ANYWAY!"

"Look, dude... if we're being real here; I don't care either way. I just need to know if you got this, or if I need to keep entertaining your little brown noser."

Even if Hater didn't know exactly what he was feeling about certain aspects of this situation, there was one thing he did know; the thought of Awesome touching his commander now was enough to make him sick... and angry. But even if he WANTED to... help Peepers like that, it's not like he was ABLE to.

"I can't DO that!" Hater suddenly spat. Awesome raised a brow.

"Do what?"

"That... THING! You know, the thing you just did, I can't... just..."

"That thing? You mean that thing you totes didn't see?"

"YES! I- STOP IT! I'm being SERIOUS here!" Hater whined, sounding much more like a child having a tantrum, than an enraged overlord. Awesome smirked and rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, I know, codes, regulations blah blah blah. I already heard that lame excuse from Commander Anal."

"NO! I- wait, there are codes for this… uh, kind of stuff?" A look of confusion passed over the skeleton's face. That was stupid, since when did Hater ever care about codes anyway? He was the boss, he could do whatever he wanted! Which reminded him of the current situation as he growled.

"NEVERMIND! That's NOT what I'm talking about! I mean it's because I… uh.."

Oh great, now it was getting awkward again! Awesome, however, shifted his legs as he raised a brow at Hater pacing and flailing his hands as the overlord tried to explain. Really, Hater was just stalling for time. The shark-man spoke up after it went on for way too long.

"Dude, just spit it OUT already."

"I WOULD IF YOU WOULD STOP INTERRUPTING ME! Grod, LOOK! This is just personal stuff! Kinda hard to tell a guy you utterly DESPISE that you can't, you know, physically do… do those things!"

This got Awesome's attention as he looked less amused and way too serious- this foreign expression almost being more terrifying than his anger!

"What do you mean by 'can't physically do'? We talking about the fact you're a virgin here?" Before Hater could interrupt and question the term, the emperor continued. "The fact you haven't had sex, Bonehead. Or do you mean you have trouble getting it up? Because, like, they got little blue pills for that."

Not only was the conversation becoming more embarrassing the more Awesome spoke, but it was also getting even MORE confusing. Hater didn't even think that was possible! Trouble getting it up? What? Finally the skeletal overlord, completely green in the face, stopped his pacing as he blurted out at the top of his lungs his awkward predicament.

"I DON'T HAVE ONE, ALRIGHT?! There, I said it- I don't have even ONE of your… your… YOU KNOW!"

Awesome was silent for a moment as he tried to process what he was just told.

"...Hater, are you telling me you don't have a dick?"

"Not EVERY species reproduces through... physical... genetic material... swapping!"

Well, this certainly was a new development. Awesome shuddered as he tried to imagine a life without sex. Yeah, he wasn't ever going to try and imagine that again. Luckily, he would never have to. But something was off... it wasn't like Lord Hater to stick around and willingly share such personal information with his greatest foe in the universe. Was Hater, in his own messed up sort of way, asking for help? Oh, this was just too perfectly pathetic. Awesome bent down and picked something up off the soaked floor, and shook the water off of it.

"Sex. The word you're looking for is sex, dude. But hey, don't sweat it! There's always alternatives."

Out of reflex, Hater caught the thing that Awesome tossed to him. He looked down in horror as he realized it was the... toy... that had been in his commander's... oh geez. He yelped, and fumbled the thing, finally managing to drop it, and he threw a powerful glare in Awesome's direction.

"That's disgusting! YOU'RE disgusting! I'm getting OUT of here! This NEVER happened! Hater OUT!"

The door slammed and, after yanking his cloak out of the doorjamb, Hater was gone. Except he wasn't. The door opened a crack moments later, and a clawed arm poked through, feeling around the floor blindly. Awesome stood and rolled the toy closer with his foot. The hand found it, snatched it up, and the door closed softly.

Emperor Awesome stood there a moment longer, among his ruined and now wrecked - in the totally not cool way- room, as he stared at the door. He shook his head pitifully.

"Overly suppressed eyeball with major napoleon vibes and a libido to make up for it with the hots for Lord Dickless… That would be totally hil-ARIOUS if it wasn't just SAD."

The shark-man paused before bursting into his mirth.

"Buhahahaha! NOPE, STILL TOTALLY HILARIOUS! Major El-Oh-El to the max with the serious irony, bruh!"

It stopped being as amusing when he realized he was going to have to sleep on the couch that night.

_Not so awesome._

* * *

The ride back to his skull vessel had been a silent one, as Hater did everything in his power not to think about all he had learned that night. Luckily Emperor Awesome's ship had not left the Casino planet's parking lot, and he was able to get back to his borrowed hoverscooter. Getting inside the ship without thinking at all had been easy to do as well, and even sneaking off to his room in the dead of night- acting more like a teenager trying not to get caught by his mother after staying past curfew- had been surprisingly silent in his skull. Good, all right, maybe the universe was giving a freebe and the overlord would be able to sleep and deal with the whole situation in the morning.

Lord Hater, as he had tried undressing to change into his pajamas for bed, let out a loud cry of alarm as something fell out of his robes- clattering to the floor. His blush returned as he realized what it was. And with it, all the memories from earlier in the evening came flooding back.

The toy was left there until Hater had finished dressing. He almost left it there all night, but what an embarrassing thing for Captain Tim to fine and carry around. He bent down, picked it up, and looked at it, worriedly, but thoughtfully. It was then dropped into his own nightstand drawer, and he flopped down onto his bed.

Hater stared at the ceiling for a long time. How was he going to face Peepers in the morning? How was he going to go a full day seeing him, listening to him, just having him around, after what he saw? What if, every time he looked at his third in command, he didn't see the stuffy, stick in the mud commander anymore, but the flushed, panting, sexual deviant screaming his na-

Nope. He violently shook those thoughts from his mind, he couldn't deal with one more second of that. His whole world had been turned upside down in one night, and the lead stone in his nonexistent gut grew heavier and heavier every time he watched another minute pass on his alarm clock. He was dreading morning, and some illogical part of his brain contemplated that if maybe, crushing the clock would somehow keep it from coming...

He must have fallen asleep watching it, because the next thing he knew, he was startled out of his troubled sleep by an even more troubling, but familiar, wake up call.

"Heeey there, buuuddy."

Hater's eyes shot open, and there was Peepers sitting next to him on the edge of the bed- his hands beginning to pull back the overlord's covers as he did every morning. Both were thrown off their routine, however, by the skeleton's screaming as he jolted up in bed- hitting his head on the shelf behind him. The cry of alarm quickly became a groan of pain as Hater grabbed for the back of his skull.

"GRAH! DARN IT PEEPERS, that HURT!"

"I… I'm sorry, sir! I didn't realize you were so awake this morning. Are you alright?"

The watchdog's hand was beginning to stretch out towards the overlord, most likely to see for himself what shape he was in, when Hater let out another scream- this time jumping out of bed on the other side away from the commander.

"I'M FINE! GREAT! Just… just get OUT of here so I can get dressed already!"

"But-"

"I SAID GET OUT OF HERE!"

Peepers worried expression turned to one of annoyance. The look didn't last long before being replaced by a much more chipper tone.

"Well, alright then. I'll be waiting in the dining hall for your usual briefing slash breakfast. Good news, too, I had the chef whip up something EXTRA special for you today. Your favorite… with a twist!"

And with that the third in command left and closed the door behind him, leaving a very unnerved skeleton alone in his room to take care of himself.

Twenty minutes later, Hater skulked into the dining area, and slumped into his seat. He watched Peepers out of the corner of his eye as he went to work setting out his breakfast. Was he... humming? Was Peepers always this cheery in the morning? Maybe he just never noticed before? Or was it because he'd just- well, whatever, it was seriously creeping him out.

"Peepers!"

"Yes, sir?" A plate was set down in front of him.

"Would you STOP that humming already? It's giving me a headache!"

"Yes, sir." Peepers' tone was stern, but still optimistically cheerful. What was WITH that guy? He wasn't making this any easier! He should be miserable! He had spent the night with Awesome and if he didn't think about something else he was going to lose his appetite.

Hater scowled down at the plate in front of him, and the plate scowled back up at him. The pancakes on the plate were shaped like his face, and a crispy strip of bacon was placed over the top one, forming a characteristic frown. He stared at them. Had Peepers always done these stupid little special things just for him? Why had he never, at least consciously, noticed before?

He jolted when a small glass pouring pitcher full of strawberry sauce was placed beside his plate.

"Something wrong, sir?"

"Whut? Oh, uh… yes!" Hater realized what he said as he sputtered. "I...I mean, of COURSE not! I'm fine. Just really hungry, I guess."

The last bit came out more as a mumble, though Peepers seemed to catch it all anyway. He looked at his boss sympathetically, before switching to a wide smile.

"WELL, how about you start eating then? Meanwhile I'll give you the usual morning report- okay?"

Hater grumbled as he picked up his fork and drowned his pancake face in the strawberry syrup. Peepers watched and waited until the skeleton began to chew, before clearing his throat and pulling out a clipboard. The watchdog began with his usual part of the routine, letting Hater know what was on the agenda for the day. Same old same old, really. This time, however, rather than focusing on his food… Lord Hater, instead, found himself focusing on his commander. Not so much on his words- for glorn's sake, nothing would ever stop the watchdog's rambling from being a nerdy mess- but instead on how he said it. The inflections, the passion, the way he waved his hands around as he energetically explained everything. He… Peepers REALLY liked his job, didn't he? Or… or maybe… Peepers just really liked doing all these things for him? Hater suddenly stopped chewing as he began to blush. A strange feeling washed over him as the skeleton realized how much he liked the thought of that. That Peepers wanted to go the extra mile, but only for HIM. That Peepers was excited to start each day, because he was doing things to make the Hater Empire (and, really, Hater himself) flourish. That Peepers was hopelessly devoted and in love with him.

… And maybe the fact he was made the overlord feel extremely flattered.

His commander must have noticed Hater's lack of eating, as he suddenly stopped everything he was doing to give his boss a worried look.

"Lord Hater… Is everything tasting all right?"

Hater forced himself to swallow. He really needed to stop zoning out like that today.

"Yeah, it's. They're good. Good job."

Peepers just stared as his boss went back to devouring his breakfast. Did... had Hater just said what he thought he'd said? How long, how many years had he awaited those two words, eagerly? And finally, there they were, those two beautiful, praising words, and it was over pancakes.

Oh, well. Recognition and appreciation were recognition and appreciation, and no matter what it was over, it filled Peepers with excited static just the same. He wasn't sure what Hater's problem was... but if he had to guess, he would say the guy was still pouting from being told off the other night. Feh. He'd get over it. And if it was earning him praise? Let him take his time getting over it.

Peepers continued on with the schedule briefing, and Hater continued enjoying his breakfast. After the table was cleared, they moved to the conference room to discuss their latest battle and invasion plans.

* * *

Two hours went by in a strange blur- Lord Hater realizing he had been zoning out throughout the entire time. Sure, usually this wasn't anything new. Most of the time the overlord would have just used his music to get through a boring conference- after all, he didn't much care HOW things went down as long as they actually worked. He was more into the ruling part than the planning part. However, the major difference this time was the fact it had not been his jams that had him distracted.

Hater sighed as he made his way back to his room, as he let his hood hide his vibrant face. Once going through his many locked doors, the skeletal overlord plopped on his bed as he relived the embarrassment. Not only had he been… staring at the commander all morning- yet again not truly hearing a single word he said- but while Peepers had stopped to ask him what he had thought of the plan… well.

"'You look good'?! STUPID, UGH! I can't believe I even SAID that!"

Luckily for him, the overlord was easily able to fix his blunder, saying that he meant 'the plan looked good'. Even throwing out another compliment before getting the heck out of there. Great, where the heck did that even COME from?! Stupid Peepers, he looked just like all the other watchdogs! He was just an eyeball with legs!

Hater rolled back over on his back, before staring up at the ceiling. It was Peepers fault. Peepers had done this to him, making him think about him all day long. What, was this some sort of cruel punishment? For what? He had always been nice to the guy! And now he had to go and do something stupid like fall for the skeleton and mess up all of Lord Hater's life!

"WHY CAN'T EVERYTHING GO BACK TO NORMAL?!"

The rest of the day passed slowly. Hater stayed in his room- which was nothing new. He tried busying himself with video games, music, he just wasn't in the mood for any of it. Even playing with Captain Tim couldn't get him out of this slump he was in.

He fell backward onto the floor after beating another level in his game. It just wasn't satisfying, and that was probably because... he held up the controller in his hand and stared at it. He wasn't stupid enough not to realize that Peepers had just gone out and bought him a new one that matched his old one that had been destroyed... but the gesture had still been a pretty nice one, one that hadn't been in Peepers' contract, and one that Hater took note of now.

He flinched when there came a knock at his bedroom door. He sat up and glanced over, but didn't bother getting up. He knew who it was and he knew the knocking was only for courtesy's sake. The door swung open, and there stood Peepers holding a covered tray which, by the tasty aroma it exuded, was likely his dinner.

"Gooood evening, sir!" The watchdog practically skipped in, somehow seeming even MORE chipper than he was earlier. "You ready for dinner? I think you'll be pleasantly surprised when it comes to what's on the menu today!"

Peepers opened his eye as he stopped dead in his tracks- noticing the overlord laying on the floor, holding his controller but not actually playing any games.

"Why are you on the floor?"

"Oh, uh, well…" Hater glared as he threw the controller to the side, instead crossing his arms as he looked away and glared at his bed instead. "Because I LIKE it down here! What, are you the floor police now, or something?"

Peepers managed to scoff as he rolled his eye.

"Hardly. But are you planning on eating down there? Or would you rather have dinner in a place NOT covered with dirty socks and wadded up napkins?"

The overlord grumbled as he began to get up. His back was starting to hurt from laying on the floor ANYWAY. So it wasn't like he was doing it because he said something, or whatever. Hater crawled his way back up to his bed, bouncing a bit on his waterbed as he plopped down. Going back to crossing his arms, he looked impatiently at Peepers to hand him his food.

"Goody! That's far more civilized, I think." The commander put the tray down gently in his boss' lap, before removing the lid off of it in a flourished gesture. "Ta-da, meatloaf!"

Meatloaf? What was so special about meatloaf? Hater didn't have time to ask, before a fork was placed in his hand and the much smaller alien looked up at him eagerly.

"Go on, take a bite real quick. I GUARANTEE you won't be disappointed!"

Lord Hater felt like he should have been angry. Peepers DARED tell HIM what to do? WHO WAS IN CHARGE OF WHOM, HERE? However, his anger simmered down and turned into an electric tingle as he took in the commander's expression. The awkward fluttery feeling was beginning to return, and Hater had to quickly look away from him to try and suppress it. Taking a breath, the skeletal overlord jabbed his fork into the meal as he quickly shoved a large bite into his mouth.

Hater's eyes opened wide in astonishment. This… but…. BUT HOW? The skeleton found himself looking at Peepers in amazement as he began talking with his mouth full.

"It dastes 'ike mm' mom's!"

"Yeah, I THOUGHT you might like that. I remembered the LAST time I tried giving you some variety and you said nobody cooked better meatloaf than your mother. WELL, it took some begging from Lady Malice over a call, but she eventually decided to trust me- and ONLY me- with her recipe."

The commander's pride deflated some as he looked worriedly at his overlord.

"It… It IS okay, right? I mean, if not I'm sure I can get the food court to get you a burger or something. It wouldn't be a problem, not at all!"

Hater stuffed another forkful into his mouth, not even so much as glancing at Peepers as he focused on this delicious treat. This was WAY better than anything from the food court!

"No, ish great!" Hater replied. Peepers watched him devour the meatloaf with a strange sense of pride and accomplishment. Maybe a dash of flattery.

"Good! You enjoy that, and I'll see you bright and early tomorrow morning, okay? Good night, sir."

Peepers turned to go, and Hater panicked. The tray in his lap clattered to the floor as Hater stood up abruptly, nearly choking on his food.

The commander jumped and spun around at the racket. "WHAT was THAT-" Peepers slumped and frowned at the ruined meatloaf on the floor. So much time and effort, wasted. He should have been used to that by now. He sighed.

"I'll go get the cleaning supplies." he said, dejected.

"No! Wait! Uh..." Hater trailed off. Peepers stopped and looked at him, waiting. He silently wished the guy would get on with it already, he wasn't planning on being late.

"You're not... going out AGAIN are you?"

The watchdog rolled his eye.

"We aren't going over this again, are we? Lord Hater, sir, it's only for a few hours. You're usually asleep those hours anyway. I honestly don't see what the big deal is here."

"But-"

"You usually hate being disturbing you while you play your games at this time anyway."

"Yeah, well-"

"Seriously, why are you so concerned about me going out? Really, I don't-"

"I KNOW ABOUT YOU AND EMPEROR AWESOME!"

Lord Hater found himself slapping a hand over his mouth as Peepers' pupil shrunk in shock. The color was beginning to drain from his face as he sweated nervously.

"I … heh, come again?"

"I… I know you've been sneaking off to be with Awesome at nights, okay?! Like, you… You honestly thought you could hide something so big from ME? I'm Lord Hater, and I know everything!"

"You," Peepers began, before glaring as he realized what had happened, "you followed me DIDN'T YOU?!"

"I… uh, well… MAYBE!" Hater used his height as he tried to turn the tables back onto the watchdog. "Not that it matters, anyway. What was I supposed to do, YOU WEREN'T TELLING ME ANYTHING! I had to make sure you weren't up to something!"

"'Up to something'? Like what?!"

"I don't KNOW, maybe SNEAKING around behind my BACK to hang out with THE ENEMY?! Come ON man, what was I supposed to think! You could have been a SPY!" Hater's arms were flailing enthusiastically as he ranted. Peepers just looked angry and mortified all at once.

"A SPY?!" The watchdog screamed back, incredulously. He took a moment to calm himself, and when he spoke again, his tone was softer, but still dangerously on edge, still just as angry and accusing. "And do you still think that, sir?"

Hater seemed to shrink. Not from embarrassment, not from shame. He slumped, folded his arms, and looked away.

"No."

Ah, okay. So Hater did know the full story. Well, enough of it, anyway... must have gathered that from seeing them at the casino. Peepers had to admit he was mildly impressed; Hater didn't often pick up on those things. Haha, he probably assumed they were dating... uhg. He'd be more worried about that assumption if Hater actually seemed angry about it, but he didn't.

"Well, that doesn't change anything." Peepers replied, after a long enough silence had spun out between them. He turned around again to leave. "I'm still going."

"You can't! I forbid it! ... Yeah!"

"THEN I QUIT!"

As soon as the words left the mouth he didn't have, Peepers regretted it. He suddenly felt as if he'd just stabbed himself through the heart, then thrown himself off a cliff. With bear traps at the bottom. And maybe an acid pit. Okay, maybe he was taking this analogy a little too far.

His regret quickly escalated into fear for his life when he was grabbed by the front of his uniform, and lifted into the air so quickly he saw stars for a moment. He swore his heart stopped when he was face to face with a scowling overlord when he came to.

"You quit, huh? Good! NOW maybe THIS won't be against your STUPID rules and regulations!"

Hater pressed his bony lips to Peepers' face and hoped to glorn it was the correct way to kiss a talking eyeball.

The commander's eye widened in surprise. What… what was going on here? Was he dreaming? No, was he… dead? Surely Lord Hater must have struck him hard enough to do one of those two- because otherwise it just made no sense! Be it a dream, it was a very real one. Heh, Peepers could just swear he felt the hard smooth texture of the skeleton's mouth against his. A warm exhale of air the smelled like the ruined remains of his cooked meal. The commander felt himself slip into the passion of the fantasy- his eyelid closing as he reached up to touch the chin of his overlord to encourage and press their bodies closer together. The gloved claw hands, hesitantly but with just as much eagerness compensating and holding him more securely.

It was only once they stopped to breathe air did Peepers realize just how much it wasn't a dream.

"... sir?"

"Huh?"

"Did you just… kiss me?"

The hazy pleasant fog the skeleton had over him vanished as his own embarrassment kicked in. All right, so maybe he hadn't planned how the confrontation would go down… but he certainly didn't plan THAT! Instinctually the overlord found himself dropping the watchdog- Peepers thankfully landing on the soft waterbed. Hater turned himself away with a huff, crossing his arms defensively over his chest.

"Yeah, SO, maybe I did! You're MY commander, aren't you? Are you trying to imply, PEEPERS, that I- LORD HATER- can't go around kissing his commander whenever he wants?!"

"That depends..." Peepers began, cautiously. "Was that an awkwardly planned ruse to manipulate me into staying, or... did you actually mean it?"

"Can it be both?" Hater mumbled back, back still facing him. Peepers thought about it for a while, and then shrugged.

"Yeah, I'm okay with both." he admitted, optimistically. Now Hater turned to face him, though he seemed to be having difficulty keeping his eyes on him.

"So... you're staying? For good? No more running off with Awesome?"

Peepers sighed lightly, and shook his head. "Sir... all I ask for is a little respect, a little bit of appreciation now and then. Think you can do that?" The commander smiled up at him, hopefully. Hater stared back at him, evidently dumbstruck.

"Sex makes you feel appreciated?" The words were out of his mouth before he could even think about what he was saying. Peepers was gaping at him in horror, unable to say anything. Hater realized his mistake and hastily tried to fix it.

"Just- no! Never mind! Forget I said that!" His hands waved wildly in front of him, as if that would somehow erase his words from history. "I'll- I'll do better! I'll compliment you more, I'll notice the little things you do, and uh... y'know, talk about them out loud, or whatever. I'll even promise to not barge into your room anymore! Okay? Good? Is that good?"

His boss' frantic desperation was both touching and satisfying. Peepers grinned up at Hater, and nodded once.

"That's good enough for me, sir." The commander slid off the bed, and started toward the door. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a phone call to make, and a rendezvous to call off."

The overlord watched him go, and caught him just as he reached the door.

"Oh! And um... Peepers?"

"Sir?"

"And maybe we could... do the kissing thing again sometime, too. I mean, y'know, if you wanted, it's whatever."

Peepers stood straight, looked at Hater with a very serious business expression, and replied, "Absolutely not. That would STILL be against several rules and regulations." And he slipped out the door.

Hater stood there, staring, and he was still staring when his third in command peeked back around the door frame.

"Juuust kidding!" he lilted, before disappearing again.

* * *

It was light years away, on the tropical beach planet of Paradisa 12, where a certain emperor had been waiting for yet another nightly meetup. He relaxed into the jacuzzi, one arm hanging out behind him, as the other was busy holding his pina colada while sipping with content. Awesome opened his closed eyes as he saw two ladies down the way- one a purple mammalian gal with curves for miles, and the other an egg-like babe with tentacle action going on- checking him out. Giving them a wink, he flexed his pecs as he showed off a little.

It was while the girls were busy giggling that Awesome's cell began to ring. Putting up a finger to indicate he would MOST CERTAINLY be getting back to them, he leaned over the side of the pool where he bag of stuff was. Reaching inside, he pulled out his device with a snap and smiled even as he answered the phone.

"Yo, Peeps! What up? Where you at? If you don't get here soon, I might find myself getting swept away by these gorg-babes that are totes checking out the man meat right now."

A pause from the other side, while Awesome turned himself around and sunk back into the bubbling water. Seeing the ladies still checking him out, he waggled his brows as he blew them a quick kiss.

"I…" Peepers sighed. "I think it'll be best to plan out an evening with them instead."

This certainly got the shark-man's attention.

"Woah, everything cool?"

"YES!" Awesome's concern instantly melted away at the ecstatic squeak, as he smiled. He listened to the commander clear his throat before continuing. "I mean, yes. Everything is fine. I just won't be requiring your services any longer."

The emperor laughed.

"Ouch, so THAT'S what it feels like to be dumped. But nah, bruh, totes cool. Nice while it lasted, huh?"

"...It wasn't  _completely_  terrible, I suppose."

It was then that Awesome heard a beeping in his ear, alerting him to another call. Pulling away the phone from his face, the shark-man pretty painted lips curled in amusement. Holding back his laughter, he put the phone back to the side of his ear as he responded.

"Yo, gotta 'nother call comin' in. You take care, lil' man, and give me a ring if you two need a third for a threesome sometime." A groan from the line was making it really hard not to just burst out laughing. "Oh, and b-t-dubs, one more thing…"

"Yeah?"

"Happy for you."

"... Thank you."

It was with that, the emperor pulled his phone away and pushed to take the other call.

"Yo, E. to the Awesome here."

"COMMANDER PEEPERS IS MINE," the voice boomed through the speakers- Lord Hater's growl even catching the attention of the babes across the way as they stared in bewilderment. "And so help me, Awesome, if I see you lay ONE more disgusting beefy finger on him ever again…. YOU WON'T LIVE TO SEE ANOTHER STUPID PARTY-FILLED DAY! GOT IT?!"

Emperor Awesome didn't get to say a word before the skeletal overlord cut off communications. Though ears ringing, he continued to smile anyway even as he threw his phone back into his bag with the rest of his things. He laughed as he called to the ladies.

"Haha- hey beautifuls! Ya got room for one more over there? Plans cancelled, and I totally can't think of nothin' better than t' spend the night partying with you hot things~"

Emperor Cupid couldn't have been more pleased.

* * *

**.:THE END:.**


End file.
